See? God Loves Me!
7 months ago
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
A Quote From The Husband...
Have you ever seen one of those videos where a monkey, like, sees another monkey for the first time?
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Fundraising Flier That Came Across My Desk
COW PATTY BINGO
...
Saturday, October 18, 2008
1:00 pm
Harvest Festival
...
Proceeds will benefit the Lions' Club
...
Pit your luck against the gastronomical actions of our cows, and you could win $$$$
...
$5 per ticket (square)
...
Each square measures 18"x18"
676 squares available
...
Prize: $1000.00
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Pretty Please With a Cherry on Top
I need help.
I am trying to start an etsy site for my glass jewelry and such (glass, pottery, etc,) but have no descriptive phrase to go underneath my business name.
My business name is "Happy Blueberry."
I am a) looking for a catch phrase, and b) then wanting to get a logo and business card laid out.
Any suggestions?
I can do 3-D. I cannot do 2-D. Or wording.
Any good ideas of the needs listed above might be justly rewarded!
I am trying to start an etsy site for my glass jewelry and such (glass, pottery, etc,) but have no descriptive phrase to go underneath my business name.
My business name is "Happy Blueberry."
I am a) looking for a catch phrase, and b) then wanting to get a logo and business card laid out.
Any suggestions?
I can do 3-D. I cannot do 2-D. Or wording.
Any good ideas of the needs listed above might be justly rewarded!
Cleanliness
I went to Cheddars tonight to eat. Our forks and knives were wrapped in nice napkins, but then they served me an overflowing drink, so it soon became quite messy.
Given the soaked napkin situation, I asked for an extra one.
And he brought me a paper towel.
Not just any paper towel, but one that I would buy.
On clearance.
Folded.
Seriously.
I used to work there, and we never had paper towels like that.
Cheddars is not a barbecue joint. It is not a hot dog stand.
Aside from the above, I'm speechless.
Right.
Given the soaked napkin situation, I asked for an extra one.
And he brought me a paper towel.
Not just any paper towel, but one that I would buy.
On clearance.
Folded.
Seriously.
I used to work there, and we never had paper towels like that.
Cheddars is not a barbecue joint. It is not a hot dog stand.
Aside from the above, I'm speechless.
Right.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Home
I've decided I'd like to live on the ocean. Or at least right next to it. And I don't see that happening in the near future. Phooey.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Satan in Church
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity? ' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity? ' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'
Odds
How can it be that I have happened to catch ESPN World Poker twice in the past year, and not only was it the same people, but the same hand. And it was a bad play at that.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Spaghetti
For several years, a married man was having an affair with an Italianwoman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
5 Nuns in a Bar
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July.
It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood.
All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw...
~
~
~
~
~
It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood.
All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw...
~
~
~
~
~
Monday, September 22, 2008
Guts & Balls
The medical distinction between Guts and Balls - - -
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next.
'I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death .
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next.
'I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death .
3-MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
1 Coffee Mug
4 tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons baking cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
Small splash of vanilla
Add dry ingredients to mug and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate.
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!
4 tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons baking cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
Small splash of vanilla
Add dry ingredients to mug and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate.
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!
The Captain's Parrott
So I've been getting "comments" on my lack of posts.
(A little crude...)
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,'Look, It's not the same hat!' or, 'Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!' or 'Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?'
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...
'OK, I give up. Where's the f #* kin' ship?'
(A little crude...)
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,'Look, It's not the same hat!' or, 'Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!' or 'Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?'
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...
'OK, I give up. Where's the f #* kin' ship?'
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Classic
I saw a little elderly lady go up to a co-worker's desk the other day and say, "I don't have anyone to complain to that will listen, so I came back here to talk to you."
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Random Pics
I have been sitting here for half an hour trying to find something to blog about, and thought I'd take a look at my camera archives...fun stuff!
Here is the little kittie that adopted my in-laws. They hadn't given her a name yet, so I made the executive decision and named her Jelly Bean. Isn't she adorable?
On our trip to Gatlinburg, TN, the husband and I visited Ripley's Aquarium. Here are a few pics of the friendly inhabitants...
And here is the cutest picture ever of my neice, Syd!
Here is the little kittie that adopted my in-laws. They hadn't given her a name yet, so I made the executive decision and named her Jelly Bean. Isn't she adorable?
On our trip to Gatlinburg, TN, the husband and I visited Ripley's Aquarium. Here are a few pics of the friendly inhabitants...
And here is the cutest picture ever of my neice, Syd!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Off The Band Wagon, Once Again...
During our first few years of marriage, the husband and I worked hard to overcome one of his "issues."
He got a little better every day, and as of a few months ago, he was cured!
And then he left to do a summer internship, staying in a small apartment there.
And he promptly forgot how to put down the toilet seat.
He then brings this issue back home with him every weekend.
I think I'll need to plan an intervention next moth when he comes home for good.
He got a little better every day, and as of a few months ago, he was cured!
And then he left to do a summer internship, staying in a small apartment there.
And he promptly forgot how to put down the toilet seat.
He then brings this issue back home with him every weekend.
I think I'll need to plan an intervention next moth when he comes home for good.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
A Girl After My Own Heart
. . .
"I enjoy kids, but not for long periods.
I think they're adorable and funny and sweet,
and then I have a headache."
-Kim Cattrall
. . .
Friday, July 04, 2008
Willie and Friends...minus one...
I had an elderly customer call in the other day asking for a loan. When I looked at her account I saw that she was pretty far in the red.
Me: You will need to come in and complete a loan application.
Customer: I can't drive no more.
Me: I will be happy to put one in the mail for you, and include a postage paid return envelope for you to send it back.
Customer: I don't got time for that, I need the money today. I gotta get my Willie Nelson tickets, but I don't have $132.50. I can't write a check if I don't get the loan.
Me: I apologize, ma'am, but all of our loans have a 48 hour processing period.
Customer: But I don't got 48 hours. I need the money now.
Me: Again, I am sorry we won't be able to get you the money today. I understand you're frustrated. But again, I'll be happy to send you an application so you can get started on it.
Customer: But...I gotta...but...it's Willie!
Me: You will need to come in and complete a loan application.
Customer: I can't drive no more.
Me: I will be happy to put one in the mail for you, and include a postage paid return envelope for you to send it back.
Customer: I don't got time for that, I need the money today. I gotta get my Willie Nelson tickets, but I don't have $132.50. I can't write a check if I don't get the loan.
Me: I apologize, ma'am, but all of our loans have a 48 hour processing period.
Customer: But I don't got 48 hours. I need the money now.
Me: Again, I am sorry we won't be able to get you the money today. I understand you're frustrated. But again, I'll be happy to send you an application so you can get started on it.
Customer: But...I gotta...but...it's Willie!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Mags
I think Maggie is catching on to the Chase the Toy into the Pet Carrier game.
We had "issues" this morning before her hair appointment.
The new game is Stuff the Cat into the Carrier By Any Means Possible.
She loves it.
We had "issues" this morning before her hair appointment.
The new game is Stuff the Cat into the Carrier By Any Means Possible.
She loves it.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Yowza!
Since we've last talked, I have had a lot of changes in my life. And my hair. I have been light brown, the dark brown, then black. From there I went to dark blond with red highlights, and then went even more blond. And now I'm red. And I have to say, it's my fav. I think I'll keep it for a while (you know, at least a month.)
I have also been pondering the idea of starting Weight Watchers. I like to ponder. I can enjoy cheese enchiladas and a grande margarita and ponder dieting at the same time. Now that's multi-tasking. I'm still tossing around the idea right now. In between bites of lemon meringue pie. I love pie.
I have also been pondering the idea of starting Weight Watchers. I like to ponder. I can enjoy cheese enchiladas and a grande margarita and ponder dieting at the same time. Now that's multi-tasking. I'm still tossing around the idea right now. In between bites of lemon meringue pie. I love pie.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Howdy Doodie
Hey everybody! How's it going? Long time, no blog :)
In Oklahoma here, enjoying the cool breeze...
I shaved Maggie the other day. Suprizingly, she loves it. I've never seen a happier cat!
From Real Simple magazine (May 2008)
My Mother's 15 Simple Rules
by Ann Marie Cox
1. The legs are the last thing to go.
2. When you're sad, don't fight it-accessorize it. Get some gin and cigarettes, then play Edith Piaf until the CD starts to skip.
3. Knowing how to roast red peppers will impress more people than you think.
4. It's OK to read at the table.
5. But it's never OK to watch TV at the table.
6. You can always substitute white wine for vermouth in a martini.
7. Everything tasted better if it's served by candlelight.
8. If nothing matches, no matter. That's just another reason for candlelight.
9. Do not try and order in French at a French restaurant unless you are French.
10. Unexpected gifts are the most appreciated.
11. At work, find people who can fix things-the copier, mistakes in your expenses report-and then be very, very nice to them.
12. The cheap cavier is still quite good. [barf]
13. There are five things that will always make you happy if you have them in your home: flowers, a lovely place to eat a meal, a chilled bottle of white [red] wine, Goldfish crackers, and a cat.
14. If you must leave a party and don't have a good excuse, spill something on yourself.
15. The proper way to end a conversation is "I'm sorry to let you go." (eh, not sure about that one...)
Dude, I blogged!!!
In Oklahoma here, enjoying the cool breeze...
I shaved Maggie the other day. Suprizingly, she loves it. I've never seen a happier cat!
From Real Simple magazine (May 2008)
My Mother's 15 Simple Rules
by Ann Marie Cox
1. The legs are the last thing to go.
2. When you're sad, don't fight it-accessorize it. Get some gin and cigarettes, then play Edith Piaf until the CD starts to skip.
3. Knowing how to roast red peppers will impress more people than you think.
4. It's OK to read at the table.
5. But it's never OK to watch TV at the table.
6. You can always substitute white wine for vermouth in a martini.
7. Everything tasted better if it's served by candlelight.
8. If nothing matches, no matter. That's just another reason for candlelight.
9. Do not try and order in French at a French restaurant unless you are French.
10. Unexpected gifts are the most appreciated.
11. At work, find people who can fix things-the copier, mistakes in your expenses report-and then be very, very nice to them.
12. The cheap cavier is still quite good. [barf]
13. There are five things that will always make you happy if you have them in your home: flowers, a lovely place to eat a meal, a chilled bottle of white [red] wine, Goldfish crackers, and a cat.
14. If you must leave a party and don't have a good excuse, spill something on yourself.
15. The proper way to end a conversation is "I'm sorry to let you go." (eh, not sure about that one...)
Dude, I blogged!!!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Today's Predictions
I asked my Magic 8 ball how today day would be, and it said, "Outlook does not look good."
So I asked my Skeleton Magic 8 ball the same thing. His response? "Seas look rough."
Crap.
So I asked my Skeleton Magic 8 ball the same thing. His response? "Seas look rough."
Crap.
Had a migraine yesterday. Haven't had one in months, but for some reason or another, my head picked yesterday to explode.
So my doctor called me in a migraine med I hadn't tried before. (Ended that in a preposition. Sorry.) (He's a pretty cool doctor. I'll leave a message for his nurse, she'll visit with him about my one problem or another, and he'll call me in medicine without me coming in. Hey, it saves me a $25 co-pay. You rock, Dr. S.)
But I digress...(I've always wanted to say that.)
I asked the pharmacist a lot of questions about the side effects (Careful Cathy, I know...) and he said that although it had caffeine in it, the other stuff would make me pretty tired so I should be okay to sleep.
Hence the reason I am writing to you, my dear friends, at 1:30 am (is it really only 1:30? This night is going to last forever. Sigh.)
And my head still hurts. Go figure.
You know, I could have just said I took a new medicine for a headache and couldn't sleep. But that wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.
There was a motorcycle next to me at a stoplight the other day, covered from handle bars to backseat in neon green fake fur. I know, right? I think it might get a little squishy when it rains.
I'm invited to a friend's birthday party tonight. We're all meeting at the biggest Chinese super-buffet in town. My stomach is rolling just thinking about it. But since it's, you know, her birthday, I erred on the side of friendship kept my mouth zipped. Water, please, no lemon. Just a fortune cookie for me. I'm not that hungry. (CH, if you're reading this, I am totally happy to be coming - it should be so much fun!!! I think I am one of the very few who doesn't like Chinese food, so I'm learning to adapt :)
The mouse on my computer at work is possessed. Every couple of minutes, it will get a mind of its own and start moving around my screen really fast and then go to the top left corner before I can regain control. At first it was annoying, then it kind of ticked me off, but now I think it's funny. It's like I have my own little OCD friend that comes to visit me throughout the day. I should give it a name. Any suggestions?
Well, I think I'll go read now. I hope everyone slept well, and I'll talk to you soon.
Cheers.
So my doctor called me in a migraine med I hadn't tried before. (Ended that in a preposition. Sorry.) (He's a pretty cool doctor. I'll leave a message for his nurse, she'll visit with him about my one problem or another, and he'll call me in medicine without me coming in. Hey, it saves me a $25 co-pay. You rock, Dr. S.)
But I digress...(I've always wanted to say that.)
I asked the pharmacist a lot of questions about the side effects (Careful Cathy, I know...) and he said that although it had caffeine in it, the other stuff would make me pretty tired so I should be okay to sleep.
Hence the reason I am writing to you, my dear friends, at 1:30 am (is it really only 1:30? This night is going to last forever. Sigh.)
And my head still hurts. Go figure.
You know, I could have just said I took a new medicine for a headache and couldn't sleep. But that wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.
There was a motorcycle next to me at a stoplight the other day, covered from handle bars to backseat in neon green fake fur. I know, right? I think it might get a little squishy when it rains.
I'm invited to a friend's birthday party tonight. We're all meeting at the biggest Chinese super-buffet in town. My stomach is rolling just thinking about it. But since it's, you know, her birthday, I erred on the side of friendship kept my mouth zipped. Water, please, no lemon. Just a fortune cookie for me. I'm not that hungry. (CH, if you're reading this, I am totally happy to be coming - it should be so much fun!!! I think I am one of the very few who doesn't like Chinese food, so I'm learning to adapt :)
The mouse on my computer at work is possessed. Every couple of minutes, it will get a mind of its own and start moving around my screen really fast and then go to the top left corner before I can regain control. At first it was annoying, then it kind of ticked me off, but now I think it's funny. It's like I have my own little OCD friend that comes to visit me throughout the day. I should give it a name. Any suggestions?
Well, I think I'll go read now. I hope everyone slept well, and I'll talk to you soon.
Cheers.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Wordy, but worth it!
Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of
you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking
in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to
doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will
only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my
face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell
you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit
including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The
new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of
the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it
got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and
a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner
rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked
up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house
that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs
am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor.
Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the
rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5
hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat,
returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go
in the oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the
pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I
called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He
literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the
Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He
groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the
rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more
than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the
time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so
bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt
and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going
one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or
headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at
the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard
he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12
hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly
and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it
would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto
Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him
up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogeeon a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk
dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between
Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls,
DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have
matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But
that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God
strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for
the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of
the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and
everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each
returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without
running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what
goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but
alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine.
I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave
Karen's house.
Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him
up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from
the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor with
stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement
beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one
else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and
knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And
as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken
state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the
garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving
dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no
longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also
happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast
rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them
but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of
you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking
in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to
doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will
only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my
face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell
you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit
including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The
new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of
the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it
got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and
a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner
rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked
up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house
that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs
am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor.
Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the
rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5
hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat,
returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go
in the oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the
pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I
called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He
literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the
Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He
groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the
rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more
than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the
time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so
bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt
and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going
one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or
headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at
the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard
he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12
hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly
and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it
would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto
Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him
up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogeeon a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk
dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between
Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls,
DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have
matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But
that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God
strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for
the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of
the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and
everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each
returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without
running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what
goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but
alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine.
I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave
Karen's house.
Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him
up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from
the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor with
stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement
beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one
else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and
knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And
as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken
state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the
garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving
dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no
longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also
happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast
rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them
but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Dear Mr. Monkey-arms in the car next to me last night,
When you're riding in a car that small, and you are so big, and your arms are super long, I wouldn't recommend hanging out the car window like that at the stoplight. You might scrape your knuckles on the ground, and we wouldn't want that.
You were so sweet when you were yelling "Where you goin'?" over and over, but it will not make me look at you. Clapping loudly will not make me look at you. Waiving your chimpanzee arms will not make me look at you.
However, it does make me not like you.
As a matter of fact, you were pretty creepy all together.
So go away.
When you're riding in a car that small, and you are so big, and your arms are super long, I wouldn't recommend hanging out the car window like that at the stoplight. You might scrape your knuckles on the ground, and we wouldn't want that.
You were so sweet when you were yelling "Where you goin'?" over and over, but it will not make me look at you. Clapping loudly will not make me look at you. Waiving your chimpanzee arms will not make me look at you.
However, it does make me not like you.
As a matter of fact, you were pretty creepy all together.
So go away.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Sleep, Wine and Murphy
Ambien + red wine = munchies
It's a good thing I just have caramel popcorn instead of funnel cakes or Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas. Then I'd be in real trouble.
On a very sad note, we lost our sweet Murphy this past Saturday. She had cancer, and we had to put her down. But now she's in heaven, not in pain, and frolicking through the fields with Annabelle!
She was the sweetest, most loyal dog I've ever known. The way she looked at Jonathan, with complete trust in her eyes...but don't let that throw you off! She was a bit mischevous!
My favorite story (from when Jonathan was in college) was when she jumped the fence and walked a mile and a half to the grocery store. A few of Jon's buddies saw her, proud as can be, stroll right through the doors, head straight to the back of the store to the eggs (she knew exactly where she was going, the little stinker!) She gingerly picked up a carton of eggs, walked back down the isle, right out the door and back home, where she thoroughly enjoyed her treat.
She also had a lot of fun "borrowing" the racked antlers from next door. A few months ago when the neighbors were out of town, Jonathan caught her chewing on one in our yard. She had eaten (not dug, eaten) a hole through the fence. No sooner had he taken the rack from her and walked it over to the neighbor's front porch than he returned to our yard to see another - a different - set of antlers to keep her entertained.
We miss you, dear Murphy!
It's a good thing I just have caramel popcorn instead of funnel cakes or Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas. Then I'd be in real trouble.
On a very sad note, we lost our sweet Murphy this past Saturday. She had cancer, and we had to put her down. But now she's in heaven, not in pain, and frolicking through the fields with Annabelle!
She was the sweetest, most loyal dog I've ever known. The way she looked at Jonathan, with complete trust in her eyes...but don't let that throw you off! She was a bit mischevous!
My favorite story (from when Jonathan was in college) was when she jumped the fence and walked a mile and a half to the grocery store. A few of Jon's buddies saw her, proud as can be, stroll right through the doors, head straight to the back of the store to the eggs (she knew exactly where she was going, the little stinker!) She gingerly picked up a carton of eggs, walked back down the isle, right out the door and back home, where she thoroughly enjoyed her treat.
She also had a lot of fun "borrowing" the racked antlers from next door. A few months ago when the neighbors were out of town, Jonathan caught her chewing on one in our yard. She had eaten (not dug, eaten) a hole through the fence. No sooner had he taken the rack from her and walked it over to the neighbor's front porch than he returned to our yard to see another - a different - set of antlers to keep her entertained.
We miss you, dear Murphy!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Team Spirit
I'm sitting here, drinking a glass of wine, enjoying a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, and watching Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team.
I just watched a girl have her lifelong dream of being a Cowboy's cheerleader be crushed because her high-kick wasn't good enough.
I think I would have more problems than that. What? You want to see me do the splits and a double hurkey again? Hold on, I just need to finish this glass of Shiraz first, and then I'm there. 100%. This cheese? Oh, I have to eat this to bring out the flavors in the wine.
No worries, I'm cool. Be right there.
Right.
I just watched a girl have her lifelong dream of being a Cowboy's cheerleader be crushed because her high-kick wasn't good enough.
I think I would have more problems than that. What? You want to see me do the splits and a double hurkey again? Hold on, I just need to finish this glass of Shiraz first, and then I'm there. 100%. This cheese? Oh, I have to eat this to bring out the flavors in the wine.
No worries, I'm cool. Be right there.
Right.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tra la la
This was on TV this afternoon (no lie - I can't make this stuff up.)
Wynonna - A Tribute on Ice
And I missed it.
Shoot.
Wynonna - A Tribute on Ice
And I missed it.
Shoot.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Discoveries
I've discovered that west Texas winds and lip gloss do not make a good combination.
I've also discovered that decorating for Christmas takes time. Specifically set aside time. And if you don't set aside this time, your house is not decorated come Christmas day.
Phooey.
I've also discovered that decorating for Christmas takes time. Specifically set aside time. And if you don't set aside this time, your house is not decorated come Christmas day.
Phooey.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Sup
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
___________________________
There was an SUV in front of me today with three baseball stickers on the back that had numbers and, supposedly, their children's names on them. There was a pink sticker that said "Meggan," a green sticker that said "Riggen," and an orange sticker that said "Bugg."
Wha...?
Because they're shellfish.
___________________________
There was an SUV in front of me today with three baseball stickers on the back that had numbers and, supposedly, their children's names on them. There was a pink sticker that said "Meggan," a green sticker that said "Riggen," and an orange sticker that said "Bugg."
Wha...?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Friday, November 09, 2007
Sleep
Whilst on vacation, I woke up earlier than I would to go to work.
Oh, the wonders of having a 6 year old nephew...I need a nap.
Oh, the wonders of having a 6 year old nephew...I need a nap.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Two Very Important Things
An establishment I passed esterday: The Patriot: Firearms & Family Shooting Center
"Ok, kids! Get yer guns! We're headed to the shootin' place!"
_____________
Tonight at Abuelos I ordered the "Tres Leches" cake for dessert. I asked the waitress how it was, and she said it was made from "three milks," so it was really creamy.
I kind of deduced that part on my own, considering the cake was called, um, Three Milks.
_____________
And if you knew how long it took me to type this with Maggie rolling all over the keyboard, you'd appreciate it just a bit more :)
"Ok, kids! Get yer guns! We're headed to the shootin' place!"
_____________
Tonight at Abuelos I ordered the "Tres Leches" cake for dessert. I asked the waitress how it was, and she said it was made from "three milks," so it was really creamy.
I kind of deduced that part on my own, considering the cake was called, um, Three Milks.
_____________
And if you knew how long it took me to type this with Maggie rolling all over the keyboard, you'd appreciate it just a bit more :)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Warm
Dear little bathroom heater,
Thank you for making my mornings warmer, and a bit less traumatic getting out of the shower each morning. Your the best, little guy!
Love,
Melissa
Thank you for making my mornings warmer, and a bit less traumatic getting out of the shower each morning. Your the best, little guy!
Love,
Melissa
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Watchers Beware
Saw Feast of Love last night, with Morgan Freeman and Greg Kinear.
It was sad...tender...and pornographic. As in full frontal nudity.
To quote Sesame Street..."One of these things does not belong..."
It was sad...tender...and pornographic. As in full frontal nudity.
To quote Sesame Street..."One of these things does not belong..."
Monday, October 01, 2007
And the winner is...
An e-mail trail between my dear mother (who was in Estes Park, Colorado last week) and me...
--------------
Mom: A tiny little chipmunky just climbed on my foot!
Me: What's a chipmunky? :)
Mom: A teeny extra-cute chipmunk.
Me: Give him some retro sunglasses and cool shoes, and he'll be a funky chipmunky!
Mom: And LOTS of peanuts, and he'll be a funky chunky chipmunky!
Me: Then we can give him a nean green mohawk, and he'll be a funky chunky punky chipmunky!
Mom: And he can work out and wear a speedo and be a funky chunky punky hunky chipmunky!
--------------
She won.
--------------
Mom: A tiny little chipmunky just climbed on my foot!
Me: What's a chipmunky? :)
Mom: A teeny extra-cute chipmunk.
Me: Give him some retro sunglasses and cool shoes, and he'll be a funky chipmunky!
Mom: And LOTS of peanuts, and he'll be a funky chunky chipmunky!
Me: Then we can give him a nean green mohawk, and he'll be a funky chunky punky chipmunky!
Mom: And he can work out and wear a speedo and be a funky chunky punky hunky chipmunky!
--------------
She won.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Gross
A quote from Discovery's TV show Dirty Jobs, on growing mushrooms:
"I'm sorry to tell you, folks...but these mushrooms don't grow in nice little blue containers. They're grown in compost - big steamy piles of poo, pee and lots of straw."
No wonder I don't like them. I always thought they tasted like, well, poo.
P.S. I'm famous! Check out September 19th - that was my lovely personal experience, one of many during my career as a waitress.
Click here to read my engaging post...
I'm so cool.
"I'm sorry to tell you, folks...but these mushrooms don't grow in nice little blue containers. They're grown in compost - big steamy piles of poo, pee and lots of straw."
No wonder I don't like them. I always thought they tasted like, well, poo.
P.S. I'm famous! Check out September 19th - that was my lovely personal experience, one of many during my career as a waitress.
Click here to read my engaging post...
I'm so cool.
Blinkers
They're called blinkers, people. They don't put 'em there for decoration.
Anyhoo, Maggie says hi.
Anyhoo, Maggie says hi.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Wine-O
Last night at dinner, a friend and I went to a funky little restaurant/bar and sat on the balcony "overlooking a scenic lake." (As scenic as you can get for Lubbock, Texas...)
I wanted a glass of red wine, so I asked the waitress to tell the bartender that I wanted a glass of the driest red they had.
So what did I get? Port. Not only is it not a dry red, but one of the sweetest there is.
I went inside with my sweet red, and mentioned it to the 22 year old (I should have known) bartender. His response? "Uh, oh yeah, I, uh, guess I forgot."
So I went for Shiraz.
I wanted a glass of red wine, so I asked the waitress to tell the bartender that I wanted a glass of the driest red they had.
So what did I get? Port. Not only is it not a dry red, but one of the sweetest there is.
I went inside with my sweet red, and mentioned it to the 22 year old (I should have known) bartender. His response? "Uh, oh yeah, I, uh, guess I forgot."
So I went for Shiraz.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I Wish I Were in CO
It's September, finally starting to feel like fall...mid 70s...open-window weather...
But a note to the person two doors down from me? (I can't believe I'm saying this, as I have true-blue Colorado blood running through my veins...)
It is too early for a wood-burning fire. Inside. When my air conditioner is still running.
But if you go live in Colorado, you can have a fire. Because it's colder up there.
(Two posts in two days? Who am I???)
But a note to the person two doors down from me? (I can't believe I'm saying this, as I have true-blue Colorado blood running through my veins...)
It is too early for a wood-burning fire. Inside. When my air conditioner is still running.
But if you go live in Colorado, you can have a fire. Because it's colder up there.
(Two posts in two days? Who am I???)
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Yo
So I'm here at my friend's house, and I looked at her desk and saw a box of flash cards. Whoopee, right? But then (this is the good part)...I saw they were anatomy flash cards! I could have fun with these.
I'm going almost black hair with pink highlights.
Maggie's big.
The husband's kickin' heinie at school.
It's been raining this week. We even had a bit of thunder.
Work rocks.
I watched a good friend get not one, but TWO, tattoos at once, and didn't pass out! (The girl next to her didn't do so well. And neither did her tattoo. Oops. They tell you not to move for a reason.)
I have lime green toenails, and love them.
(Isn't this a titillating post?)
Well, if I don't go wash my hair out in the next two minutes, I will have no hair.
I've realized that I have not been posting as often (well, not at all...) and really thought about it. I've decided that I was so unhappy throughout my whole blogging "history," and it really helped having an outlet. Not so much to vent, but to see that people actually read my blog, and said nice things to me (at that point, people weren't being very nice to me.) Even if I don't know your face, I knew that you visited me every day, and that, at least in a passing way, actually enjoyed what I had to say.
I now am around people that, well, smile when they see me, and, well, say hello. Simple, right? But it makes a HUGE difference, I tell you what.
But I miss you guys, and will be back real soon (yes, I know that wasn't proper grammar.)
Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. And if you have bedbugs, you might need to get some help with that.
I'm going almost black hair with pink highlights.
Maggie's big.
The husband's kickin' heinie at school.
It's been raining this week. We even had a bit of thunder.
Work rocks.
I watched a good friend get not one, but TWO, tattoos at once, and didn't pass out! (The girl next to her didn't do so well. And neither did her tattoo. Oops. They tell you not to move for a reason.)
I have lime green toenails, and love them.
(Isn't this a titillating post?)
Well, if I don't go wash my hair out in the next two minutes, I will have no hair.
I've realized that I have not been posting as often (well, not at all...) and really thought about it. I've decided that I was so unhappy throughout my whole blogging "history," and it really helped having an outlet. Not so much to vent, but to see that people actually read my blog, and said nice things to me (at that point, people weren't being very nice to me.) Even if I don't know your face, I knew that you visited me every day, and that, at least in a passing way, actually enjoyed what I had to say.
I now am around people that, well, smile when they see me, and, well, say hello. Simple, right? But it makes a HUGE difference, I tell you what.
But I miss you guys, and will be back real soon (yes, I know that wasn't proper grammar.)
Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. And if you have bedbugs, you might need to get some help with that.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Housewife of the Year!
I did two things last night that I haven't done in months. I bought perishables. And I cooked. Dinner.
Go me!
Go me!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Shhh
I've decided that what's going on inside my head is too loud to listen to the radio in the car. Too much noise, all mixed together.
P.S. I'm just going to pretend that I didn't go three weeks without posting. So there.
P.S.S. I'm just curious (to all my thousands of readers,) what country are you in?
P.S. I'm just going to pretend that I didn't go three weeks without posting. So there.
P.S.S. I'm just curious (to all my thousands of readers,) what country are you in?
Friday, July 27, 2007
Grits and Coffee
I somehow thought it would be a good idea to accept the invitation from a few co-workers to meet at the new Cracker Barrell at 6:30 this morning for breakfast.
Those better be some good grits, I tell you what.
("What is a grit?" Name that movie...anyone? Anyone?)
Those better be some good grits, I tell you what.
("What is a grit?" Name that movie...anyone? Anyone?)
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I couldn't help myself...
A Longhorn and an Aggie applied for the same job. They were neck and neck, with all the same qualifications. The hiring manager decided the only way to decide was to randomly point to a word in the dictionary, and whoever came up with the best scenario using the chosen word would get the job.
The manager opened the dictionary and pointed to the word "Timbuktu."
The Longhorn stood up, cleared his throat, and began. "I looked across the burning sands, and spied a camel caravan. Under azure skies of blue, destination: Timbuktu."
The manager was quiet for a moment and slowly wiped a tear from his eye, clearly moved.
The Aggie stood up and started his poem. "Tim and I did fishing went. We spied three maiden in a tent. They were three and we were two, so I bucked one and Timbuktu."
The Aggie won.
What the...
I just saw a commercial for a prescription medication for Restless Leg Syndrome. One of the side effects?
Call your doctor if you experience a strong urge to gamble.
No joke.
Call your doctor if you experience a strong urge to gamble.
No joke.
Monday, July 23, 2007
He's Messed Up, Man
Taking a nap while Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove, about nuclear war between the U.S. and Russia = really really REALLY messed up dreams.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
'Sup, yo?
My mom e-mailed me today, asking if I was dead, since I hadn't blogged in such a long time.
I saw a tag-on sponsor commercial while watching a show the other day, for Poise undies. It had an older woman frolicking on the seashore, walking in the waves.
Here's the problem.
Now, I have no problem with Poise, and am happy that they are there for those who need them. But you see, a dude did the voice-over.
And said "panties."
And then ended the commercial with the Poise slogan...
(in a deep, manly voice)
"Yes, I can!"
I saw a tag-on sponsor commercial while watching a show the other day, for Poise undies. It had an older woman frolicking on the seashore, walking in the waves.
Here's the problem.
Now, I have no problem with Poise, and am happy that they are there for those who need them. But you see, a dude did the voice-over.
And said "panties."
And then ended the commercial with the Poise slogan...
(in a deep, manly voice)
"Yes, I can!"
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Furr...less
My rather long-haired kitty got her little tooshie shaved tonight, as she can be a little messy with her "personal matters."
I'm hoping she'll forgive me in, like, 5 months or so.
I'm hoping she'll forgive me in, like, 5 months or so.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Sick
The current winner of the national hot dog eating contest ate fifty-nine-and-a-half hot dogs in twelve minutes.
I, well, I just, um, yeah.
I, well, I just, um, yeah.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Hihi
In my one wink of sleep during the night, I had a dream it was supposed to be a high of 47 degrees today...sigh.
A really cool band? My Morning Jacket. You should check them out. A bit Coldplay, U2, Sigur Ros, Radiohead...I love it!
I've been wondering this for years...how do you pronounce T.I.G.I.? Is it tee-gee? Or mabye tee-gee ("g" as in give?) Or could it be ti-gee? Or do you just say the actual letters? Anyone? Anyone? (Arnold...Arnold...)
A really cool band? My Morning Jacket. You should check them out. A bit Coldplay, U2, Sigur Ros, Radiohead...I love it!
I've been wondering this for years...how do you pronounce T.I.G.I.? Is it tee-gee? Or mabye tee-gee ("g" as in give?) Or could it be ti-gee? Or do you just say the actual letters? Anyone? Anyone? (Arnold...Arnold...)
Thursday, June 28, 2007
25
I was stopped at a red light today when I started to look around me. I noticed I had a white SUV on either side, in front and behind me (a little creepy, if you ask me.)
So I began counting. And during the time I sat at the red light (it wasn't very long - I was second in line,) I saw 25 white SUVs. 25.
First of all, why white? Come on, show some flair. Second, no wonder the roads are so crowded with all those huge a** vehicles driving around. Third, those vehicles are why I have so many white paint dings on the sides of my car.
Heavy white SUV door + Lubbock winds = lots of white dings on Melissa's car.
Grrr.
So I began counting. And during the time I sat at the red light (it wasn't very long - I was second in line,) I saw 25 white SUVs. 25.
First of all, why white? Come on, show some flair. Second, no wonder the roads are so crowded with all those huge a** vehicles driving around. Third, those vehicles are why I have so many white paint dings on the sides of my car.
Heavy white SUV door + Lubbock winds = lots of white dings on Melissa's car.
Grrr.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
What Were You Thinking?
I saw a barney-purple truck the other day with a sticker on the back windshield. It was heart-shaped and said "I Love Soccer Moms."
Didn't see who was driving. My imagination had quite the fun time!
Didn't see who was driving. My imagination had quite the fun time!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Long time no speak!
Holi Canoli, it's been hot here lately! (And I would just like to say - for the record - that I am not a huge canoli fan. I just like the word canoli. Kinda just rolls off the tongue.)
The weather dude is actually saying that we're having a cooler-than-normal June. I say he's whack.
Well, had a good b-day, the husband had a good birthday (although he worked until 11 pm...) Good weekend, sweet kitty, really good job...and there's my life update in 24 words. I hope everyone out there has a really, really, really good start to your week.
Later gator.
The weather dude is actually saying that we're having a cooler-than-normal June. I say he's whack.
Well, had a good b-day, the husband had a good birthday (although he worked until 11 pm...) Good weekend, sweet kitty, really good job...and there's my life update in 24 words. I hope everyone out there has a really, really, really good start to your week.
Later gator.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
June 20th...what a great day!
Happy birthday to me (in 53 minutes,)
happy birthday to me (in 53 minutes,)
happy birthday to meeeeeeee (in 52 minutes,)
happy birthday to me!
happy birthday to me (in 53 minutes,)
happy birthday to meeeeeeee (in 52 minutes,)
happy birthday to me!
Umm..
A quote I heard this morning on TV...and no, I won't give you the context, because then it wouldn't be as funny. Well, maybe it would.
LCU: helping to make your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even better.
LCU: helping to make your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even better.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Yipee!
The most amazing thing has happened...we now have ANIMAL PLANET!!! Thank you, D*SH, for your not-so-good customer service and unreliable network, and thank you, Su**enlink, for offering Animal Planet as part of our affordable package!
Something cool I learned yesterday? 80% of all dogs in entertainment television and movies came from animal shelters. Ol' Yeller? He was about to be put down before he became a big star. That's just awesome.
Something cool I learned yesterday? 80% of all dogs in entertainment television and movies came from animal shelters. Ol' Yeller? He was about to be put down before he became a big star. That's just awesome.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Shake, Rattle and I can't hear the music...
Ok, I have an issue I'd like to voice...
When you have sub-woofers in your car/truck/suv/whatever, please be sure that your car/truck/suv/whatever is up to the task. When the frame of your car/truck/suv/whatever rattles like it's 1969, well, um, it just doesn't sound right.
You're supposed to be highlighting the kick a** bass and beat of your kick a** music and system, but I can't even begin to appreciate the wonders of the lyrics over the the pulsing of your over sized spoiler.
I'm sure some of you have a few words of dispute, so bring it on. I stand my ground.
P.S. For those of you who actually know how to marry a great solid car with a really cool system, kudos to you. At least I know that you really appreciate the music and sound versus just trying to sound like a BBA (Em, that was for you :)
When you have sub-woofers in your car/truck/suv/whatever, please be sure that your car/truck/suv/whatever is up to the task. When the frame of your car/truck/suv/whatever rattles like it's 1969, well, um, it just doesn't sound right.
You're supposed to be highlighting the kick a** bass and beat of your kick a** music and system, but I can't even begin to appreciate the wonders of the lyrics over the the pulsing of your over sized spoiler.
I'm sure some of you have a few words of dispute, so bring it on. I stand my ground.
P.S. For those of you who actually know how to marry a great solid car with a really cool system, kudos to you. At least I know that you really appreciate the music and sound versus just trying to sound like a BBA (Em, that was for you :)
WOOO - OO
After more than 3 and a half years of marriage, I've learned something new about the husband...
He loves (gasp) Michael Jackson.
When we get a new dog, the name will be, yes, Michael Jackson.
I think I just threw up!
He loves (gasp) Michael Jackson.
When we get a new dog, the name will be, yes, Michael Jackson.
I think I just threw up!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Doobie
Here is what it says across the bottom of my Mountain Dew bottle:
Dew. Be. Dew. Be. Dew.
That's just awesome, man. I love Dew. He's my best friend! (We even have the same initials!!)
Dew. Be. Dew. Be. Dew.
That's just awesome, man. I love Dew. He's my best friend! (We even have the same initials!!)
Friday, June 08, 2007
Belated Wedding Congrats
I have always been a devout Saved by the Bell fan, since it first came on TV. Zac and Kelly were my best friends! I have seen every episode at least three times, and I still watch the show every morning while eating breakfast.
But I realized this morning that I had missed the very last episode, where Zac and Kelly get married!!! How could I have missed that??
The wedding was beautiful...
They're so perfect for each other...
Sniff.
But I realized this morning that I had missed the very last episode, where Zac and Kelly get married!!! How could I have missed that??
The wedding was beautiful...
They're so perfect for each other...
Sniff.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
What?
I was all ready yesterday morning to come in and write some outstanding and enlightening story for you, but when I tried to pull up Blogger, the service was down.
Wouldn't you know it. So my amazing story went right out the window. Phooey.
So I'll just put down a few things.
Debra Messing's new show, The Starter Wife - really really cool! She's still as charming as ever, but was able to stay away from pulling on her Grace character - way to go, Debbie! (That just doesn't have the same ring to it as "Debra Messing"...)
Umm...I haven't managed to kill my newly planted flowers! I'll have to post a picture. MUCH prettier than last year!
What else...I'm drawing a blank. So have a good day, yo.
Wouldn't you know it. So my amazing story went right out the window. Phooey.
So I'll just put down a few things.
Debra Messing's new show, The Starter Wife - really really cool! She's still as charming as ever, but was able to stay away from pulling on her Grace character - way to go, Debbie! (That just doesn't have the same ring to it as "Debra Messing"...)
Umm...I haven't managed to kill my newly planted flowers! I'll have to post a picture. MUCH prettier than last year!
What else...I'm drawing a blank. So have a good day, yo.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Gotta Get My Zzzs
I sure did go to bed at 8:45 last night. Just because I wanted to. And it felt great.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Reading
I thought this was a really neat article...
Reading Goes to the Dogs
by Stephanie Gold
Garrett Finley, a second-grader in Pleasanton, California, never liked reading - till a specialist suggested he read to dogs. After three sessions with Sammy, a cavalier King Charles spaniel, Garrett had no further need of specialists. But he loved the experience so much, he still makes every session.
Dogs don't have a judgemental bone in their bodies. They just gaze adoringly as they're read to, a pretty effective technique for helping kids gain confidence and skill. The proof: For every year of reading to dogs, kids move ahead two years in school level. Says Paula Dalby, national team coordinator for Reading Education Assistant Dogs (R.E.A.D.), "The children are so excited to see them, and the dogs get petted and hugged, which is the stuff they live for. It's a pretty positive environment."
To find a R.E.A.D. program, call 801-272-3439.
Reading Goes to the Dogs
by Stephanie Gold
Garrett Finley, a second-grader in Pleasanton, California, never liked reading - till a specialist suggested he read to dogs. After three sessions with Sammy, a cavalier King Charles spaniel, Garrett had no further need of specialists. But he loved the experience so much, he still makes every session.
Dogs don't have a judgemental bone in their bodies. They just gaze adoringly as they're read to, a pretty effective technique for helping kids gain confidence and skill. The proof: For every year of reading to dogs, kids move ahead two years in school level. Says Paula Dalby, national team coordinator for Reading Education Assistant Dogs (R.E.A.D.), "The children are so excited to see them, and the dogs get petted and hugged, which is the stuff they live for. It's a pretty positive environment."
To find a R.E.A.D. program, call 801-272-3439.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Elevators Stink
Last week I made a comment that since we had speakers, why don't play music?
What do I get? Elevator music. No, worse. It's all instrumental versions of soft rock and pop. Backstreet Boys. Kelly Clarkson. Luther Vandros. BARF.
Now I am listening to "Killing Me Softly" on the saxophone.
I hate the saxophone.
This is killing ME.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Finale!!!
Andy and Tessa,
sittin' in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
first (a) comes reality tv,
first (b) comes love,
then comes honkin' diamond ring,
and then, well, who knows if these things ever work out...
even though I hope it will :)
Man, I sure did butcher that cute little poem!
sittin' in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
first (a) comes reality tv,
first (b) comes love,
then comes honkin' diamond ring,
and then, well, who knows if these things ever work out...
even though I hope it will :)
Man, I sure did butcher that cute little poem!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Another?
We're jamming
I wanna jam it with you,
We're jamming, jamming
And I hope you like jamming too
~Bob Marley
I, um...uhh...well, I have nothing to say.
I wanna jam it with you,
We're jamming, jamming
And I hope you like jamming too
~Bob Marley
I, um...uhh...well, I have nothing to say.
Lyrics
Song lyrics that, when taken out of context, are just really weird:
"When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy, baby you save me."
-Kenny Chesney
"When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy, baby you save me."
-Kenny Chesney
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Shopping
I went to a store the other day (we'll call it Shower & Boody Works). As we all know, I dislike being pestered by sales people. Really dislike.
If I need something, I will ask.
No, I do not want to try the new lotion of the month. No, I do not like the new strawberry perfume. Really, thank you, but no. Seriously dude, stop asking or I'll pour it over your head.
Anyways, this was one of those visits. These two girls kept on and kept on pestering, and I kept on and kept on avoiding (I was there for a specific reason, otherwise, I would have been long gone) and dodging.
I happened to walk by this mannequin wearing a robe wrap, and flippantly touched the material as I walked past to see how it felt. Big mistake. Hawk Eyes saw this, and pounced.
H.E. - "Isn't that a wonderful robe?
Me - "Mmm hmm."
H.E. - "You know, if you spend $50 today, you can purchase this awesome robe for only $20!!!"
Me - "Oh. Neat."
H.E. - "It's totally an awesome deal!!!"
Me - "Well, thank you, but I don't really wear robes."
H.E. and sidekick - *gasp* "You don't WEAR robes??? Why not?!?" (I'm not making this up, guys, seriously.)
Me - "Well, I just prefer to go naked."
H.E. - "..."
Never heard another peep outta them. I just love shock value. Works like a charm.
If I need something, I will ask.
No, I do not want to try the new lotion of the month. No, I do not like the new strawberry perfume. Really, thank you, but no. Seriously dude, stop asking or I'll pour it over your head.
Anyways, this was one of those visits. These two girls kept on and kept on pestering, and I kept on and kept on avoiding (I was there for a specific reason, otherwise, I would have been long gone) and dodging.
I happened to walk by this mannequin wearing a robe wrap, and flippantly touched the material as I walked past to see how it felt. Big mistake. Hawk Eyes saw this, and pounced.
H.E. - "Isn't that a wonderful robe?
Me - "Mmm hmm."
H.E. - "You know, if you spend $50 today, you can purchase this awesome robe for only $20!!!"
Me - "Oh. Neat."
H.E. - "It's totally an awesome deal!!!"
Me - "Well, thank you, but I don't really wear robes."
H.E. and sidekick - *gasp* "You don't WEAR robes??? Why not?!?" (I'm not making this up, guys, seriously.)
Me - "Well, I just prefer to go naked."
H.E. - "..."
Never heard another peep outta them. I just love shock value. Works like a charm.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Ick.
I dated a guy back in college who bought me a bottle of perfume. Having never been given perfume as a gift, I was quite excited, and enjoyed wearing it.
Until a few weeks later when he told me it was the perfume his mom wore.
Until a few weeks later when he told me it was the perfume his mom wore.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
What a good kitty :)
A few pictures of Maggie-poo and her new favorite toy. I certainly didn't give it to her. I wonder where she found it.
I mean, she's such an obedient kitty and never sneaks onto the kitchen counter when we're not home...
I mean, she's such an obedient kitty and never sneaks onto the kitchen counter when we're not home...
Monday, May 07, 2007
Cheers!
Something good: I went out to eat and ordered the $2.50 house margarita. 5 minutes later, out comes the honkinest hugest swirled margarita I've ever seen.
I asked, amazed, "That's only $2.50?!?"
Says the waiter, "Um, no. This is our top shelf, using top of the line alcohol."
Me, "Oh, but I ordered the house, and even pointed out which one on the menu I wanted."
Waiter, "Well, I'll make sure your waiter knows he ordered the wrong one. Enjoy!"
So I got a $7.00 "top of the line" sangria-swirled margarita for only $2.50.
I drank the whole thing, and my head doesn't even hurt this morning!
But don't worry, I wasn't driving.
Whoopee!
I asked, amazed, "That's only $2.50?!?"
Says the waiter, "Um, no. This is our top shelf, using top of the line alcohol."
Me, "Oh, but I ordered the house, and even pointed out which one on the menu I wanted."
Waiter, "Well, I'll make sure your waiter knows he ordered the wrong one. Enjoy!"
So I got a $7.00 "top of the line" sangria-swirled margarita for only $2.50.
I drank the whole thing, and my head doesn't even hurt this morning!
But don't worry, I wasn't driving.
Whoopee!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Bad Ideas
(As we all know) I've made some bad decisions, had some bad ideas in my day. I thought I'd share one with you this morning.
Back in high school, my favorite candle/lotion/etc. scent was cinnamon apple. Loved it. So one day I was visiting my friend at work (at a health/workout club.) It was after close, and we were just shooting the shoot.
It was then I noticed this: INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH AIR FRESHENER, Cinnamon Apple scent.
Lesson learned? Never, EVER, EVER use industrial strength (or any strength, for that matter) as perfume.
It does not work, it smells terrible, it does not come off.
I have never been able to enjoy cinnamon apples since.
Except the ones on the vegetable menu at Cracker Barrel. But that's a different story.
Back in high school, my favorite candle/lotion/etc. scent was cinnamon apple. Loved it. So one day I was visiting my friend at work (at a health/workout club.) It was after close, and we were just shooting the shoot.
It was then I noticed this: INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH AIR FRESHENER, Cinnamon Apple scent.
Lesson learned? Never, EVER, EVER use industrial strength (or any strength, for that matter) as perfume.
It does not work, it smells terrible, it does not come off.
I have never been able to enjoy cinnamon apples since.
Except the ones on the vegetable menu at Cracker Barrel. But that's a different story.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Parenting
The son of one of my friends got in trouble the other day for playing with matches. I told this to the husband, and his response was one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
When he was a little boy, his mother told his that if he played with matches, he'd wet the bed.
How awful (and hilarious) is that?!
When he was a little boy, his mother told his that if he played with matches, he'd wet the bed.
How awful (and hilarious) is that?!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Blog Bacteria
I have this theory (they don't come very often, so pay attention.) When you were in Science class, did you ever do the experiment where you teamed up with a partner, got a cotton swab, and choose any one place in school to swab? You then brought it back to class and grew bacteria in petri dishes.
Whoever had the most bacteria, obviously, had swabbed the nastiest place.
Whoever had the most bacteria, obviously, had swabbed the nastiest place.
You want to know the scary thing? The phone in the attendence office had more bacteria than the boy's toilets.
Ok, but here's my theory, since no one chose to test it in my class. I never see it cleaned, and if you think about the whole "trip to the bathroom" process, you should be concerned...
If you're a good little handwasher, you would use the soap. And if you used the soap, you would pull the little handle to dispense said soap.
Theory: I think the most bacteria-infested place in the bathroom would be the back of the soap handle.
Gross.
Gross gross gross.
If you're a good little handwasher, you would use the soap. And if you used the soap, you would pull the little handle to dispense said soap.
Theory: I think the most bacteria-infested place in the bathroom would be the back of the soap handle.
Gross.
Gross gross gross.
How Far Can She Go?
I would just like to list my accomplishments of the day so far...
Woke up at the same time as normal.
Made a dessert for work.
Made a second batch of dessert for work, seeing as I melted the spatula into the first batch.
Got ready for work (sometimes, this is a huge accomplishment.)
I'm headed out the door 5 minutes earlier than normal.
...and it's only 7:30 am!
Woke up at the same time as normal.
Made a dessert for work.
Made a second batch of dessert for work, seeing as I melted the spatula into the first batch.
Got ready for work (sometimes, this is a huge accomplishment.)
I'm headed out the door 5 minutes earlier than normal.
...and it's only 7:30 am!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
More Things
Did you know that the USA Patriot Act is an acronym for:
Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act
--------------------------------------
My right thigh has been a bit sore for the past couple of days and I couldn't figure out why. But tonight I was driving along listening to Harry Connick (who's been in my CD player at full volume for the past 3 days) and pounding out the beat on my thigh. (I got the moves, oh yeah.)
Maybe next time I should just softly pat my leg when I'm listening to the blues.
--------------------------------------
You know you're married to a redneck when he uses the term "sumbitch" to describe the plumber that came by this past weekend to give an estimate.
--------------------------------------
I love my kitty.
Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act
--------------------------------------
My right thigh has been a bit sore for the past couple of days and I couldn't figure out why. But tonight I was driving along listening to Harry Connick (who's been in my CD player at full volume for the past 3 days) and pounding out the beat on my thigh. (I got the moves, oh yeah.)
Maybe next time I should just softly pat my leg when I'm listening to the blues.
--------------------------------------
You know you're married to a redneck when he uses the term "sumbitch" to describe the plumber that came by this past weekend to give an estimate.
--------------------------------------
I love my kitty.
Things
I sure do love me some hot water! (When you go without it for three days, you really learn to appreciate it!)
The funniest/cheesiest quote to date on The Bachelor, by Andy himself:
"Jealousy is such a rampant beast."
Wow. What a champ.
The funniest/cheesiest quote to date on The Bachelor, by Andy himself:
"Jealousy is such a rampant beast."
Wow. What a champ.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
I Lost
I was so excited yesterday morning when my new phone as work rang for the very first time. I sat up straight, cleared my throat, picked up the handset. Here is the conversation that followed...
"AB* Bank, this is Melissa."
"Did I win?"
Umm...
"Pardon?"
"Am I the winner?"
"I'm sorry...?"
"Idn't this MIX 100 (hunerd)?" (notice the spelling - that was the accent.)
"I think you have the wrong number..."
"Uh, oh, sorry."
Click.
Sigh...
"AB* Bank, this is Melissa."
"Did I win?"
Umm...
"Pardon?"
"Am I the winner?"
"I'm sorry...?"
"Idn't this MIX 100 (hunerd)?" (notice the spelling - that was the accent.)
"I think you have the wrong number..."
"Uh, oh, sorry."
Click.
Sigh...
Monday, April 16, 2007
Say What?
My voice tapped me on the shoulder the other day and said, "I'm taking a vacation."
I opened my mouth to ask where he was going, but nothing came out.
Wherever he went, he must have been in a hurry.
I opened my mouth to ask where he was going, but nothing came out.
Wherever he went, he must have been in a hurry.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
What the...???
I was driving down the road yesterday when a hearse drove past, going the opposite direction. Not that uncommon. But what really threw me was the big D*sh Network logo plastered across the entire side of the car.
This could be perceived in a few different ways...
Watch D*sh Network and you will die.
D*sh Network is the grim reaper (minus the sickle, we hope...)
Discount funeral services (kind of like tattooing your forehead with an ad for $.) Nothing like exploiting the dead, huh?
Eeew. Dang, I just dropped a pickle in my shoe. Hold on. Man, it was the last one on my sandwich! And now my toe smells like pickles.
I digress...
So, I just thought it was kinda funny (and a bit thought-provoking, if you couldn't tell) to see the blatant, and quite odd, advertising vehicle yesterday.
Cheers.
This could be perceived in a few different ways...
Watch D*sh Network and you will die.
D*sh Network is the grim reaper (minus the sickle, we hope...)
Discount funeral services (kind of like tattooing your forehead with an ad for $.) Nothing like exploiting the dead, huh?
Eeew. Dang, I just dropped a pickle in my shoe. Hold on. Man, it was the last one on my sandwich! And now my toe smells like pickles.
I digress...
So, I just thought it was kinda funny (and a bit thought-provoking, if you couldn't tell) to see the blatant, and quite odd, advertising vehicle yesterday.
Cheers.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Razzle Dazzled Cellophane
I woke up this morning with the cast of Chicago running through my head.
I razzle-dazzled my way through the shower, pop-six-cicero-ed through my breakfast, big-momma-ed my way through my make-up and reached for the gun on my way out the door (hee hee.)
I razzle-dazzled my way through the shower, pop-six-cicero-ed through my breakfast, big-momma-ed my way through my make-up and reached for the gun on my way out the door (hee hee.)
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
What Were They Thinking?
Why are Grape Nuts called Grape Nuts if they don't consist of grapes or nuts. I just don't get it.
Definition
I had three people greet me when I walked in the door yesterday morning. They had no clue who I was. As the day progressed, I saw that they treated everyone like that. I like me a bank that knows my name when I walk in.
That is customer service.
That is customer service.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Maggie-poo and Other Stuff
Here's a new picture of my little butterbean. She's the studious type.
Other news...um, new job. No more higher education. I'm moving to banking!
We watched the new James Bond movie this weekend - fantastic (and I don't even like the movies!) I think Daniel Craig's my new favorite JB - he's quite handsome.
Other news...um, new job. No more higher education. I'm moving to banking!
We watched the new James Bond movie this weekend - fantastic (and I don't even like the movies!) I think Daniel Craig's my new favorite JB - he's quite handsome.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
A Little Bit of Both Kinds of Funny
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. "
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk .
" Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from ."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen
P.S. Animal Planet went away :(
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. "
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk .
" Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from ."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen
P.S. Animal Planet went away :(
Monday, April 02, 2007
Stuff
Cool things I've gotten free lately:
Detergent
Rings
Biore face products
Zippo lighter
Dove lotion
Lunch box/cooler (soft, with a shoulder strap!)
Journal, with matching pen
Garnier Nutrisse face products
Prilosec
Personalized sticky notes and address labels
I LOVE GOODIES!
Detergent
Rings
Biore face products
Zippo lighter
Dove lotion
Lunch box/cooler (soft, with a shoulder strap!)
Journal, with matching pen
Garnier Nutrisse face products
Prilosec
Personalized sticky notes and address labels
I LOVE GOODIES!
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