Saturday, September 30, 2006
"Start from scratch - in the nude. Stand in your usual, not party, posture. Take a good, long look at the sags and bulges. Be as critical as if you were pointing out the defects in another woman. This won't be easy. Most of us develop blind spots about our own shortcomings."
"Before you get discouraged, however, grab a pencil and paper and list your assets, as well as your liabilities - the pros on one side and the cons on the other. You may find that you have more pluses that you've been giving yourself credit for. Feminity and good health are two of your biggest, so put these at the top of the list."
This just makes me depressed. No nudie-tootie in front of the full-length mirror for me, thank you.
In other news...I'm tired. Bone tired. The kind of tired where I'm half comatose with only my hands moving across the keyboard, thinking, "It's going to take so much energy to get ready for bed. So I'll just keep typing because it's not as strenuous."
I got my glass pendants back today (I made them last week for glass fusing examples, and they rock!) I'll have to take a picture and post it...but not now. The camera's in the other room.
Okay, I have to powder my nose. Guess I've gotta get up now. Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, dear friends.
Friday, September 29, 2006
"Brush your hair until it bounces," she would say, "the way your father likes it."
"Whenever we went shopping, we bought "on approval" - my father's/ When we came home we'd give him a fashion show, and what he didn't like went back to the store immediately!"
Thursday, September 28, 2006
I found this book. Rather amusing. "Always ask a man - the key to femininity" by Arlene Dahl, 1967
And so we begin...
We'll start with a few good ones.
"A feminine woman makes a man feel important instinctively; she works at pleasing him. When he speaks to her, she listens with rapt attention to every word."
"A woman is often like a strip of film - obliterated, insignificant - until a man puts the light behind her."
"The successful female applies all her talent to pleasing her most important audience, the man in her life."
This is gonna be fun...
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
"Please don't tell my parents I'm in Texas - they think I'm at a whorehouse!" (Note: I have grudgingly learned to not only accept, but like, the Lone Star state I'm in. But CO, you're still my #1)
Customer at one of my tables (setting the scene: family of four, two daughters 18-20ish):
"She's mad because I took her napkin. I took her virginity 20 years ago, and she's worried about her napkin..." (yes, I almost passed out, but bit my cheek and handed her another napkin)
Thursday, September 21, 2006
1. GRAB A CALCULATOR. (YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS ONE IN YOUR HEAD)
2. KEY IN THE FIRST THREE DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER (NOT THE AREA CODE)
3. MULTIPLY BY 80
4. ADD 1
5. MULTIPLY BY 250
6. ADD THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER
7. ADD THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER AGAIN
8. SUBTRACT 250
9. DIVIDE NUMBER BY 2
DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE ANSWER?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
But today...oh, today.
I saw not the chocolate I usually see, but one more of an orange shade. Could it be...
Yes! It's PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE TIME!
One of my favorite things of the fall season would be, yes, pumpkin cheesecake . If you've never tried it, you're missing out on one of life's greatest treasures.
With a dollop of fresh whipped cream...it's just almost too good to be true.
Pumpkin cheesecake, here I come (and again tomorrow, and the next day...)
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
And you could tell she was just oh-so-miserably cold, but putting up a good front. ("I am NOT cold. Because I look so hot in this skirt. It's not cold. It's not cold...")
Oh, the prices they pay for (what they think is) fashion...
...as I walked to my building, cozy in my long pants and long-sleeved shirt.
Monday, September 18, 2006
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Well, they've been in the freezer a few months, which, since they're frozen, no prob.
I choose a green one. It passed through my mind why it wasn't quite "lime" green, but more of a "that's a color I'd like to paint my kitchen" green.
Anyways, it tasted suspiciously like grape, but it's easy to get popsicle flavors confused, you know? This time, though, the taste buds were correct. As I ate the popsicle, it started to turn purple. Just a hint at first, but by the end, solid purple.
Maybe it was a hyper-color popsicle.
Oh well. It was still good.
They're denim. And they are so short that if you take too big of s step, well, it lives up to it's title. On numerous occasions, I have had the unfortunate and simply vomitous view up the skirt. What's it called? Something about an animal...lives in the water...I'll leave that to you to figure out.
Not only are the CSSs too dang short when they are walking, but seriously, how do the wearers sit down? Don't their legs stick to the chair? Get sweaty? What if they had to sit on the floor? No graceful way about the up/down part there. Sexy? Um...well...no. Nope.
Even if you do have good legs, please, please, cover at least the top 10 inches or so. Not just for my sake, but for yours, too. To be nice. we just wait until your out of hearing range, and then we gasp, shake our heads and say "What would her mother think?"
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Saturday, September 09, 2006
There is only one race, the human race. The concept of race is not genetic but social.
The Human Race Machine is located in front of the Bookstore. The Human Race Machine is a part of the Grand Opening next week.
The Human Race Machine is a computer console that allows participants to see themselves as a different race.
How does it work? The computer captures your image while you sit in front of the machine and you can use up to four different programs to apply the changes you would like to see.
The Human Race Machine is sponsored by the Diversity Awareness.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I am not the organized person I thought I was.
I actually have piles on my desk. And not just one. I have five. That's right, I said five. And then four more on the table across the room. And sticky notes all over my computer.
I don't know what's come over me - I used to be a little psyco about these things. Everything color-coordinated, a file or folder for all projects, one or two - maximum - stacks on my desk (divided by priority, of course...)
Maybe my office isn't fung-shui, and it's thrown me off-kilter.
Yes, that's it. It's gotta be, because I still have this person inside of me who cringes at the piles, and who still get's frazzled when I don't use the "right" color of highlighter. And the fact that I'm even writing this should prove it, right?
(Didn't someone in the past call me anal-retentive? Maybe they were right...)
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
"Come back to Oxford! Relax with a cup of Earl Grey, enjoy a pint at the pub tonight. Take a walk through the park, smell the flowers, stronger now because of the afternoon rain...please come back and see me!"
Boy, oh boy, do I wish I could...