A few raunchy quotes and quips...

Bumper sticker I saw:
"Please don't tell my parents I'm in Texas - they think I'm at a whorehouse!" (Note: I have grudgingly learned to not only accept, but like, the Lone Star state I'm in. But CO, you're still my #1)

Customer at one of my tables (setting the scene: family of four, two daughters 18-20ish):
"She's mad because I took her napkin. I took her virginity 20 years ago, and she's worried about her napkin..." (yes, I almost passed out, but bit my cheek and handed her another napkin)