Blog Bacteria

I have this theory (they don't come very often, so pay attention.) When you were in Science class, did you ever do the experiment where you teamed up with a partner, got a cotton swab, and choose any one place in school to swab? You then brought it back to class and grew bacteria in petri dishes.

Whoever had the most bacteria, obviously, had swabbed the nastiest place.

You want to know the scary thing? The phone in the attendence office had more bacteria than the boy's toilets.

Ok, but here's my theory, since no one chose to test it in my class. I never see it cleaned, and if you think about the whole "trip to the bathroom" process, you should be concerned...

If you're a good little handwasher, you would use the soap. And if you used the soap, you would pull the little handle to dispense said soap.

Theory: I think the most bacteria-infested place in the bathroom would be the back of the soap handle.

Gross.

Gross gross gross.

How Far Can She Go?

I would just like to list my accomplishments of the day so far...

Woke up at the same time as normal.
Made a dessert for work.
Made a second batch of dessert for work, seeing as I melted the spatula into the first batch.
Got ready for work (sometimes, this is a huge accomplishment.)
I'm headed out the door 5 minutes earlier than normal.

...and it's only 7:30 am!

More Things

Did you know that the USA Patriot Act is an acronym for:

Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act

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My right thigh has been a bit sore for the past couple of days and I couldn't figure out why. But tonight I was driving along listening to Harry Connick (who's been in my CD player at full volume for the past 3 days) and pounding out the beat on my thigh. (I got the moves, oh yeah.)

Maybe next time I should just softly pat my leg when I'm listening to the blues.

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You know you're married to a redneck when he uses the term "sumbitch" to describe the plumber that came by this past weekend to give an estimate.

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I love my kitty.

Things

I sure do love me some hot water! (When you go without it for three days, you really learn to appreciate it!)


The funniest/cheesiest quote to date on The Bachelor, by Andy himself:

"Jealousy is such a rampant beast."

Wow. What a champ.

Why??

They changed the shape of the blue Fruit Loop. This is freakin' me out, man.

I Lost

I was so excited yesterday morning when my new phone as work rang for the very first time. I sat up straight, cleared my throat, picked up the handset. Here is the conversation that followed...

"AB* Bank, this is Melissa."

"Did I win?"

Umm...

"Pardon?"

"Am I the winner?"

"I'm sorry...?"

"Idn't this MIX 100 (hunerd)?" (notice the spelling - that was the accent.)

"I think you have the wrong number..."

"Uh, oh, sorry."

Click.


Sigh...

Say What?

My voice tapped me on the shoulder the other day and said, "I'm taking a vacation."

I opened my mouth to ask where he was going, but nothing came out.

Wherever he went, he must have been in a hurry.

What the...???

I was driving down the road yesterday when a hearse drove past, going the opposite direction. Not that uncommon. But what really threw me was the big D*sh Network logo plastered across the entire side of the car.

This could be perceived in a few different ways...

Watch D*sh Network and you will die.

D*sh Network is the grim reaper (minus the sickle, we hope...)

Discount funeral services (kind of like tattooing your forehead with an ad for $.) Nothing like exploiting the dead, huh?


Eeew. Dang, I just dropped a pickle in my shoe. Hold on. Man, it was the last one on my sandwich! And now my toe smells like pickles.

I digress...

So, I just thought it was kinda funny (and a bit thought-provoking, if you couldn't tell) to see the blatant, and quite odd, advertising vehicle yesterday.

Cheers.

Razzle Dazzled Cellophane

I woke up this morning with the cast of Chicago running through my head.

I razzle-dazzled my way through the shower, pop-six-cicero-ed through my breakfast, big-momma-ed my way through my make-up and reached for the gun on my way out the door (hee hee.)

What Were They Thinking?

Why are Grape Nuts called Grape Nuts if they don't consist of grapes or nuts. I just don't get it.

Definition

I had three people greet me when I walked in the door yesterday morning. They had no clue who I was. As the day progressed, I saw that they treated everyone like that. I like me a bank that knows my name when I walk in.

That is customer service.

Maggie-poo and Other Stuff

Here's a new picture of my little butterbean. She's the studious type.












Other news...um, new job. No more higher education. I'm moving to banking!

We watched the new James Bond movie this weekend - fantastic (and I don't even like the movies!) I think Daniel Craig's my new favorite JB - he's quite handsome.

A Little Bit of Both Kinds of Funny

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. "

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk .

" Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from ."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..


The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.



Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!


(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !


They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen



P.S. Animal Planet went away :(

Stuff

Cool things I've gotten free lately:

Detergent
Rings
Biore face products
Zippo lighter
Dove lotion
Lunch box/cooler (soft, with a shoulder strap!)
Journal, with matching pen
Garnier Nutrisse face products
Prilosec
Personalized sticky notes and address labels

I LOVE GOODIES!