Gotta Get My Zzzs

I sure did go to bed at 8:45 last night. Just because I wanted to. And it felt great.

Reading

I thought this was a really neat article...

Reading Goes to the Dogs
by Stephanie Gold

Garrett Finley, a second-grader in Pleasanton, California, never liked reading - till a specialist suggested he read to dogs. After three sessions with Sammy, a cavalier King Charles spaniel, Garrett had no further need of specialists. But he loved the experience so much, he still makes every session.

Dogs don't have a judgemental bone in their bodies. They just gaze adoringly as they're read to, a pretty effective technique for helping kids gain confidence and skill. The proof: For every year of reading to dogs, kids move ahead two years in school level. Says Paula Dalby, national team coordinator for Reading Education Assistant Dogs (R.E.A.D.), "The children are so excited to see them, and the dogs get petted and hugged, which is the stuff they live for. It's a pretty positive environment."

To find a R.E.A.D. program, call 801-272-3439.

Elevators Stink

Last week I made a comment that since we had speakers, why don't play music?

What do I get? Elevator music. No, worse. It's all instrumental versions of soft rock and pop. Backstreet Boys. Kelly Clarkson. Luther Vandros. BARF.

Now I am listening to "Killing Me Softly" on the saxophone.

I hate the saxophone.

This is killing ME.

Finale!!!

Andy and Tessa,
sittin' in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
first (a) comes reality tv,
first (b) comes love,
then comes honkin' diamond ring,
and then, well, who knows if these things ever work out...
even though I hope it will :)

Man, I sure did butcher that cute little poem!

Another?

We're jamming
I wanna jam it with you,
We're jamming, jamming
And I hope you like jamming too

~Bob Marley

I, um...uhh...well, I have nothing to say.

Lyrics

Song lyrics that, when taken out of context, are just really weird:

"When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy, baby you save me."

-Kenny Chesney

Shopping

I went to a store the other day (we'll call it Shower & Boody Works). As we all know, I dislike being pestered by sales people. Really dislike.

If I need something, I will ask.

No, I do not want to try the new lotion of the month. No, I do not like the new strawberry perfume. Really, thank you, but no. Seriously dude, stop asking or I'll pour it over your head.

Anyways, this was one of those visits. These two girls kept on and kept on pestering, and I kept on and kept on avoiding (I was there for a specific reason, otherwise, I would have been long gone) and dodging.

I happened to walk by this mannequin wearing a robe wrap, and flippantly touched the material as I walked past to see how it felt. Big mistake. Hawk Eyes saw this, and pounced.

H.E. - "Isn't that a wonderful robe?

Me - "Mmm hmm."

H.E. - "You know, if you spend $50 today, you can purchase this awesome robe for only $20!!!"

Me - "Oh. Neat."

H.E. - "It's totally an awesome deal!!!"

Me - "Well, thank you, but I don't really wear robes."

H.E. and sidekick - *gasp* "You don't WEAR robes??? Why not?!?" (I'm not making this up, guys, seriously.)

Me - "Well, I just prefer to go naked."

H.E. - "..."

Never heard another peep outta them. I just love shock value. Works like a charm.

Ick.

I dated a guy back in college who bought me a bottle of perfume. Having never been given perfume as a gift, I was quite excited, and enjoyed wearing it.

Until a few weeks later when he told me it was the perfume his mom wore.

What a good kitty :)

A few pictures of Maggie-poo and her new favorite toy. I certainly didn't give it to her. I wonder where she found it.

I mean, she's such an obedient kitty and never sneaks onto the kitchen counter when we're not home...

Cheers!

Something good: I went out to eat and ordered the $2.50 house margarita. 5 minutes later, out comes the honkinest hugest swirled margarita I've ever seen.

I asked, amazed, "That's only $2.50?!?"

Says the waiter, "Um, no. This is our top shelf, using top of the line alcohol."

Me, "Oh, but I ordered the house, and even pointed out which one on the menu I wanted."

Waiter, "Well, I'll make sure your waiter knows he ordered the wrong one. Enjoy!"

So I got a $7.00 "top of the line" sangria-swirled margarita for only $2.50.

I drank the whole thing, and my head doesn't even hurt this morning!

But don't worry, I wasn't driving.

Whoopee!

Bad Ideas

(As we all know) I've made some bad decisions, had some bad ideas in my day. I thought I'd share one with you this morning.

Back in high school, my favorite candle/lotion/etc. scent was cinnamon apple. Loved it. So one day I was visiting my friend at work (at a health/workout club.) It was after close, and we were just shooting the shoot.

It was then I noticed this: INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH AIR FRESHENER, Cinnamon Apple scent.

Lesson learned? Never, EVER, EVER use industrial strength (or any strength, for that matter) as perfume.

It does not work, it smells terrible, it does not come off.

I have never been able to enjoy cinnamon apples since.

Except the ones on the vegetable menu at Cracker Barrel. But that's a different story.

Parenting

The son of one of my friends got in trouble the other day for playing with matches. I told this to the husband, and his response was one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

When he was a little boy, his mother told his that if he played with matches, he'd wet the bed.

How awful (and hilarious) is that?!