What a Day

I Don't DO WELL Without Sleep

2010-01-17T13:35:00.004-06:00

So I made my first official police "noise complaint." I am now "officially old."

Some might call me a party pooper (you know who you are!!!), but a party pooper would've been the one who called on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night. But since he's new, I think we've been downright neighborly waiting until Saturday.

Considering he put his sub-woofers on his ceiling...and he starts his music at midnight...and he doesn't turn it off at 5 am...and I am SO not exaggerating.

And considering that after the first night, The Dude met him and they talked all friendly-like about it and the guy seemed surprised and a bit embarassed that it was so loud.

I thought we were in the clear last night when it wasn't on at 1:15 am when I went to bed. Riiiight. 2:30, extra loud. Pulsing, straight up through my pillow. Through my sweet dreams. Straight into my brain.

We gave it about 20 minutes, then I called the non-emergency police line (lack of sleep might be an emergency to me but I wasn't dying, so I kept it in perspective.) They sent someone out, music stopped, I went back to snooze town at 3:30 am.

4:00 am. Boom. Boom. Boom. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

Now I'm not some old fart that can't handle a little music. But loud pulsing beat that physically vibrates my pillow five nights in a row to where I can't sleep? That is when I have a problem.

I sure did call again. And I put that beat DOWN!

We'll see what happens tonight.

Man Shopping

2009-10-05T17:39:00.011-05:00

In my household, I do the grocery shopping. There are many reasons I do the grocery shopping.

I know what we have, what we're out of. I know what can go together to make meals. I know what I personally will and will not eat. And I know what The Dude, on a normal day, will and will not eat.

Being only two of us in our cozy little abode, I do not buy in bulk, but I do make sure the small details are taken care of. The Dude likes coffee and yogurt in the mornings. So I make sure I always have an extra bag of coffee in the cabinet, and at least 5 individual containers of yogurt each week for him to take to work.

I do not, however, generally keep raw meat or seafood on hand. Those who know me well know the face I made just thinking about it.

Normally this is not a problem. If I know I'm going to make a meatloaf, I buy the specific amout of meat and make it. Pot roast, tacos, same goes.

But this past weekend I went out of town. I was only gone for 25-and-a-half hours. Not so long, right?

Wrong.

The dude decided, on a football Saturday, on an empty stomach, to go grocery shopping.

I'm sure his thought process was FOOTBALL = MEAT!!! MAN WANT MEAT NOW!!!

Had I been there to run interference, a lot of this could have been avoided... *sigh*
(Get it? Run interference? Football? Yeah, yeah...)

I am glad the majority of his purchased perishables (i.e. chicken and shrimp) had been either cooked and consumed or frozen before I got home.

Here are a few pics of what awaited me:

Yes, that is FIVE packages of Snack Pack Tapioca pudding. Five. It was on sale.

He doesn't drink DP at home. I don't drink it at all. He forgot.

Three boxes of frozen waffles. I don't remember the last time he ate frozen waffles. But he got three different kinds, so it's cool, right?

Just...gross.

Always Lock Your Medicine Cabinet

2009-09-30T20:44:00.004-05:00

So I read this book the other day about a lady who faked her death to escape a sadistic abusive marriage.

Her husband had been married twice before, and each very rich wife had a "well planned" accident a year or two into the marriage.

So fake-dead chickie got a new name and moved to a new town. Before she met Jerk-Man, she had big degrees, was big smart and quite confident. Not so much now.

So in new town, she got a job as bookkeeper for The Family. You know, the one that runs the town, that "sticks together," where all the brothers marry perfectly in all the prequels and sequels, and the whole family gathers round to protect the new "weak one."

Well, Weak One goes to new job and meets new boss (aka part of The Family.) Weak One and New Boss fall in love, WO finally tells NB that Jerk-Man is still hunting her, NB teaches WO self defense. FBI and The Family work to protect not-so-much-longer-Weak One round-the-clock.

Thriller obviously wouldn't be thrilling if Jerk-Man didn't get past impenetrable line, so he and no-longer-Weak-One end up in her house. Alone. And Jerk-Man has oh-so-skillfully planned the perfect "accident." No one gets the best of Jerk-Man.

While waiting for JM to show his face in town, Weak One had problems sleeping, so her doctor had prescribed her Ambien. Not just any sleeping pill, but specifically Ambien.

So here's Jerk-Man's plan: He kidnapped no-longer Weak-One from the grocery store, takes her home (to where he has already snuck inside, opened a bottle of wine and drawn a bath.) He forces her to take three Ambien (of course she cheeks it) and down two glasses of wine immediately, then get in the bath. He then proceeds to tip another glass of vino down her throat.

With the Ambien slowly (and oh, so bitterly) dissolving in her mouth, she knows she has little time left to act, as she couldn't depend on the hints she gave to New Boss (aka Perfect Man aka Lover aka Love of Her Life) during the forced knife-to-the-throat "everything's great" phone call.

As no-longer-Weak-One drains the last of her wine, a sense of strength and will to live fills her and she swings out with her wine glass, knocking JM in the head, then stabbing him in the nose with the broken stem. As JM is screaming, she stumbles out of the tub and grabs the wine bottle, clubbing him on the head, once, twice, three times, until he finally slumps to the floor, unconscious.

Barely able to stand, terribly dizzy, she drags herself into the dining room to her purse and grips her cell phone to call Lover Boy. Barely able to speak, she mumbles, "Sleeping pills and lots of wine..." and then falls unconscious to the floor.

Blah blah blah, Lover Boy comes to the rescue, Jerk Man is arrested, charged with everything under the sun, and everyone else lives happily ever after.

Lover Boy was so glad to have given not-so-Weak-One back her inner-strength, and she saved herself, physically and emotionally. Knocked the ever-livin' snot out of Jerk-Man.

The only thing? I know how Ambien works. Your memory blacks out within 5 minutes of getting any in your system.

Too bad she didn't remember any of it. So much for female empowerment, huh?

Do It.

2009-09-03T17:23:00.001-05:00

This is the funniest website I've come across in a long time.

Check. It. Out.

www.peopleofwalmart.com

Warning: Just...beware, okay?

All Hail The Big Lebowski?

2009-09-01T20:31:00.006-05:00

I may be speaking blaspheme, but whenever I think about the movie The Big Lebowski, the only things that stand out to me are bowling, alcohol and man-boobs.

I just can't bow down to the man-boobs.

But hey, the dude abides.

Pretty in Pink

2009-08-27T16:03:00.001-05:00

I asked Maggie if she would paint my toenails, but she either doesn't understand english, or she was just being snooty.

I'm betting on snooty.

A Few Funnies

2009-08-18T21:48:00.005-05:00

This has been in a few store windows around Midland...who's in?!?!?!

And this one...I have no words.

This one is just hilarious and just so sad!

Sneakin' Up On Mags...

2009-08-12T22:33:00.002-05:00

P.S. I think my semi-impersonation of the late great Mr. Irwin adds so much to the little film, don't you think?

Dream a Little Dream...

2009-08-11T19:01:00.010-05:00

Ever since I was about, oh, 14, I have wanted to learn how to blow glass. Not just a passing, "Cool, dude!" but a deep burning.

And it has been simmering ever since. Every time I see a documentary, a studio, a piece of glass, I feel this certain tug in my gut. There are few things that make me feel like that...blowing glass...Ireland...travleing...Taco Bell...

Anyways, a few years ago, I had the pleasure to catch a documentary on Chihuly (if you haven't seen him in action, you're missing a masterpiece.) He was in Italy, and decided to blow these big (2-3 ft wide) colorful glass balls and just toss them into them into the canals in Venice.

Fascinating!

During the past decade, I have been able to learn a lot about art, mainly pottery. In the past few years, I have even been able to squeeze in some cool stuff about glass, mainly fusing.

But that's fusing, not blowing. And let's not get dirty here. This it art, people. Serious stuff.

The one person I have found in the past three years who taught glass blowing taught it when I didn't (really didn't) have the time or the money. When I ran into him last month, he no longer teaches his workshop. No time. *Expletive*

Small town Texas...sigh...

Anyhoo...back to Chihuly-hoo!

Last month I went to visit the parents in OKC. Great visit! We ate at the OKC Museum of Art on my last day there, on the way to the airport (great food, btw), when I happened to see that they have the most comprehensive collection of Chihuly glass in the world. And I missed it.

So I went back last week. To see Chihuly. And my parents (of course.)

It was incredible, to say the least. I knew it would be. I just didn't know it would be so overwhelming. And emotional, really.

Now I need to learn to blow glass. I walked into Chihuly's world. There is no turning back.

These only show a teeny tiny bit of the wonder, but here are a few of the many pictures I took on my walk through the exhibit...

Classic Screw Up

2009-08-11T15:46:00.001-05:00

I wouldn't recommend the Snickers Dark chocolate. It wasn't nearly as good as the original. Didn't stop me from eating the entire thing, but not nearly as good.

Advice

2009-08-04T08:43:00.002-05:00

If you haven't eaten anything all day, and it's 3 pm, I would not recommend starting with Funyuns and lemonade.

I'm just sayin'.

The "Other" Cat

2009-07-31T00:16:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd share a video of Maggie's alter-ego. She comes out each night, usually around 11 or so. I wish I could get the initial head bop/swivel on camera to signify the transformation. I just never know quite when it's coming...

Enjoy!

byEmily, With Love

2009-07-27T21:15:00.018-05:00

I have a very talented friend, a crafted artist. I have known her for 12 (!) years, and am proud to be her friend.

Her name is Emily. I call her Em. Or Eme. Dude. Sugarplum. Honey bunches of oats. But usually I stick with Em.

I thought I would highlight some of her work - they don't begin to scratch the surface of what she can do!

_______________________________________________

Handmade pure silver pendants (Great for Mommy necklaces!)

Hand-crocheted Granny Clutches with hand stitched yoyos (I love these!)

Handmade purse with hand stitched yoyos

Handmade purse with hand stitched flower

Home baked and hand-decorated Petit Fours

Home baked and hand-decorated Birthday cake

_______________________________________________

She can do anything and everything.

Everything is handmade. With love.

It can be personalized with colors, names, etc.

And the best part? It is quality work that is not overpriced. And she is the sweetest person ever. What more could you ask for?!

If you would like more information, send me an e-mail at maf97m@yahoo.com and I'll shoot you her info. Also, here is a link to her blog: http://emilyturner.blogspot.com.

P.S. Em, you are the most talented person I know, and have the biggest heart ever :) Love you! Mel

Love it. Seriously.

2009-07-26T17:17:00.003-05:00

Now here is a great use of words!

"projectile vomit of emotion" *

Absolutely fantastic.

*S. Brockmann

Wink Wink

2009-07-23T22:25:00.002-05:00

I can't wait for Christmas and stocking-time to come around! I'm running out of disposable razors...

Damn, It Feels Good To Be a Jetson

2009-07-23T12:48:00.005-05:00

Some days, I enjoy the drawn out process of getting ready for the day...puttin' on some tunes , takin' a shower, fixin' my hair, playin' with makeup...

And some days, I wish I had a Jetsons conveyor belt transformer that turned you from pelt to svelte in 3.5 seconds. No brain function involved.

Lunch With a Side of What?

2009-07-22T00:12:00.003-05:00

The dude and I had quite the interesting lunch today. We met at a chain Italian restaurant, used to be one of my favs.

To keep with anonymity, we’ll call it the Olive-a Arden-gay.

Best part of the lunch: Getting to see the dude. And then it just kamikazied from there.

Our Waitress Lady was a bit older, very nice. She delivered our salad and bread quickly, but right after the dude took his first bite of salad, he saw blue stuff all over the back of his fork. My best guess was crayon. Yummy. She apologizes and brings him a new set of silverware.

Great. La la la, on with the meal.

I’m not really feeling all that jazzy to begin with, so I tried one bite of salad (thankfully) and munched on a breadstick.

Waitress Lady brings the dude some more salad, and as he goes to mix it, I hear him go, “Whoa, whoa, hold up. Miss? We got us a hair in here.”

And what is the first thing she says? “Is it mine?”

Ok, first of all, there is a big-A two foot long nasty hair covered in dressing wrapped all around the salad tongs (no joke), so I don’t give a 3-dog dang whose hair it is.

Secondly, as I mentioned previously, our waitress was a bit older, so this has got to be the reason why she held the entire bowl up to the light - in front of all the other rapidly-losing-their-appetite diners - exclaiming she “just couldn’t see it!” The dude, being the dear that he is, was gracious enough to point it out.

So WL brings out a fresh bowl of salad, which the dude (what a champ) serves up (I passed.) He continues on with his raviolis, but I notice that, after a few bites, the salad is being ignored. I asked if everything was ok, and was told that he found another hair.

One of “those” hairs.

Gag.

Needless to say, our lunch was on the house (ya think?) and we probably won’t be going back to the good ol’ Olive-a Arden-gay anytime in the near future.

And I’m really glad I wasn’t in the mood for salad.

Melissa is Like...

2009-07-20T03:32:00.003-05:00

This is hilarious! I think #8 is my favorite! And 10!!!

Here are the instructions:
1. Go to Google
2. Type in "(your name) is like" - make sure it is in quotation marks
3. Write down the first 10 things that come up.
_______________________________________________________

1. Melissa is like my second mother.
2. Melissa is like a fresh spring morn. Now that I don't see her everyday my life is empty.
3. I think Melissa is like a breath of fresh air…very natural, very real and an excellent dancer. (Ha ha ha!!!)
4. Melissa is like an institution...
5. Melissa's is like five minutes from my house so I am always going there for my burrito fix.
6. Melissa is like that. She always exudes the better possibilities in life, the good side of living and of course the moral. (Err, most of the time.)
7. Melissa is like my sis,we can talk about anything and mostly boyss:)lol.Melissa i love youu bestie (BFF 4eva, Lylas!!!!!)
8. Melissa is like Las Vegas, fun for a few days.
9. Melissa is like a fine wine, just peaking at the right time (in reference to her age, which is 29). (Hey, they're a poet and didn't know it!)
10. Melissa is like me and when we get upset we cry, not hurt someone. She is sweet, funny and loving. Yes she deserves to get jail time, but Murder?

Potential Job

2009-07-20T00:40:00.003-05:00

I was looking at jobs tonight on CraigsList (which, by the way, I would not recommend), and saw this little diddy:

Job: Receptionist
One of the job duties: "Pick up the phone from time to time."

Maybe I'll apply. I think I could handle it...

Awful

2009-03-17T20:54:00.002-05:00

I just made a horrible, terrible, tragic discovery about myself.

I realized tonight that I do not own The Man From Snowy River.

Not on DVD. Not even on VHS.

Do I not respect my film roots at all? I am so ashamed.

Dinner

2009-02-17T19:43:00.001-06:00

I'm having a Pot Pie for dinner. It used to be a Chicken Pot Pie, but I picked all the chicken out.

Prrrr...

2009-02-16T14:05:00.001-06:00

I think in a past life I must have been a cat. I love sleeping THAT much.

WHAT?!?!?!

2009-02-09T23:15:00.003-06:00

What in the sam-freaking-hill!? This makes me quite pe-oed, I tell you what.

"Mary Engelbreit's Home Companion magazine is no longer published. The Dec/Jan 2009 issue was its last. Subscribers with issues remaining on their subscription term will receive Martha Stewart Living as a replacement. All Home Companion readers should have received notification via US Mail by February 1. If you have additional questions about your subscription, please contact Martha Stewart Living at: 1-800-999-6518"

(NOTE: I did receive notice, but didn't know about it until I asked the dear husband tonight. When I asked where it was, he said it is in the big trash compactor in the sky.)

What if I didn't WANT Martha Stewart magazine?

(I mean, it's cool and all, and I'll still read it, and most likely enjoy it and probably take tips from good ol' Martie...) but STILL! She's just not as cutsey-crafty, and her mag is SO not as cute.

I already know to put a little marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone so it won't leak, and to freeze leftover wine (what's that?) into ice cubes to use for cooking...but I can't make cards out of marshmallows and ice cubes.

Phooey.

What's Your Fav?

2009-02-09T20:11:00.002-06:00

I think I just threw up a little bit in the back of my mouth...(although I have to admit, some of it looks kind of good!)

Click HERE to see what I'm talkin' bout, Willis.

Kid Rock

2009-02-08T19:49:00.003-06:00

I think it's kind of amusing that tonight on the Grammys, Kid Rock sang a medley that started with a song called "Amen" and ended with a song called "I'm the Rock n' Roll Jesus".

Well Said

2009-02-07T19:21:00.003-06:00

From one of the husband's textbooks:

Introduction to Flight by John D. Anderson, Jr.

"In fact, when you become a practicing engineer, do not expect to converse with your spouse across the dinner table about your great technical accomplishments of the day.

Chances are that he or she will not understand what you are talking about."

That John Anderson is one smart dude.

Freaking Hilarious!!!

2009-01-30T18:23:00.001-06:00

WTF???

2009-01-26T23:12:00.004-06:00

I actually used the word "crikey" today. As an expletive. And it just came out.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like the word. But it doesn't quite swim in my normal pool of expletives.

Those who know me well know my "favorite" expletive. (But don't worry, I won't say it here.)

If we were to put my "favorite" up against "crikey" in a boxing ring, who do you think would win. (Notice that I didn't even put a question mark at the end, because it's not even a question.)

Of course my "favorite" would take the gold.

So where in the deep depths (ok, not that deep) of my brain did I pull out the word "crikey" as a second nature curse word?

I have no clue.

Crikey.

Good Quote

2009-01-25T21:50:00.001-06:00

"A mother is only as happy as her saddest child..."

(Gotta love Hallmark movies!)

Maxine...

2009-01-25T21:48:00.001-06:00

The Husband...

2009-01-20T18:56:00.000-06:00

"Sometimes I wish I could Google my brain."

Lesson Learned

2009-01-12T20:03:00.002-06:00

Never drink beer and paint your nails at the same time.

"Some" people might get the bottle of beer and the bottle of polish remover mixed up. If they're not paying attention.

I'm totally not saying I did it, but I just wanted to warn others. Just in case.

P.S. My lips are burning.

Dinner

2009-01-03T23:49:00.000-06:00

I can TOTALLY make an awesome box of macaroni!

Ode to My Bed

2009-01-02T21:16:00.004-06:00

How I love you, bed sweet bed,
Such a cozy place to lay my head.

You are so welcoming, so snuggly, so soft,
I close my eyes and always know my dreams are held aloft.

Oh bed, dear bed,
You're frickin' awesome, you rock!

Vic's Dogs

2008-12-24T23:27:00.003-06:00

This makes me happy…

2008 Driver's Awards

2008-12-21T14:13:00.040-06:00

Tenth Place goes to...

Ninth Place goes to...

Eighth Place goes to...

Seventh Place goes to...(ignore the wording)

Sixth Place goes to...

Fifth Place goes to...

Fourth Place goes to...

Bronze Medal goes to...

Silver Medal goes to...(Her helmet is on backwards!!!)

Gold Medal Winner is...

Classics

2008-12-04T20:46:00.018-06:00

2008-11-28T20:39:00.002-06:00

Dear God,

I hit a little birdie on my way to work this morning.

It made me very sad.

I'm glad he gets to fly with you in heaven.

Amen.

Funny, I can see this in my future...

2008-11-25T23:30:00.003-06:00

Blind Cowboy

2008-11-22T12:00:00.001-06:00

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Allergy Season

2008-11-20T17:23:00.002-06:00

I'm growing my bangs out. They are just long enough that when I snort they get stuck up my nose.

Almost...but not quite

2008-11-18T22:32:00.001-06:00

Me: I wish I had perky boobs.

The Husband: You do have perky boobs!

Me: That's the biggest lie that's ever come out of your mouth.

The Husband: Well, you used to have perky boobs.

The Husband: Ouch!

Help me to remember…

2008-11-10T19:35:00.000-06:00

When I'm having a really bad day,

and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,

that it takes 42 muscles to frown

and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

Happy Ending

2008-11-06T18:37:00.004-06:00

So there was this bird. Little birdie, to be more accurate. And it was in the bank today. I don't think it came by for a friendly visit, as it found its way into the lobby via a hole in the ceiling (thanks to the leak caused by heavy downpour.)

It made a rather startling appearance about 3:00 this afternoon, and then flew straight up to the skylight at the tip top point of the roof. Where all the windows are. And where it was flitting around, chirping out for his family. And couldn't get to them.

I almost started crying, hearing him calling out, "Mama! Daddy! Help me, I can't get to you, I can't find you!!!"

Seriously, I could have watched a grown man fall and break all his front teeth out and not have been as upset as I was listening to him.

So at about 4 pm, he decided to try and find a way out. By going in the complete opposite direction as needed, to the Human Resources department in the back of the bank.

After flying into the copy room window, and then into the window of the head of HR (scared the snot out of her,) he then proceeded to repeatedly flutter against the SA department's window.

I grabbed a bag and tried to corner him, but he got away. Thankfully, he flew toward freedom this time and headed to the entryway of the bank. A co-worker and I grabbed our keys and ran after the little one, closing the lobby doors behind us.

At this point, the birdie was so scared and exhausted, I was able to coax him into hopping in my bag. My CO opened the door so I could carry him outside.

He hopped to the edge of the bag and sat for a moment, as if not believing he could be free.

The little one then flew off very quickly, to find his family.

I can imagine that he will be extra tucked in underneath his mama's wing tonight.

Really? I Mean, REALLY?!

2008-11-01T23:09:00.003-05:00

I had this 14 year old kid come to my door last night, wearing jean shorts, a Longhorn hoodie, and a raised snooty eyebrow.

I opened the door and he just held out his plastic bag, not saying anything.

Here is the conversation that followed:

Him: ...

Me: I don't know if I want to give you any candy - you're wearing a Longhorn sweatshirt!

Him: Yeah, so? (Such respect for his elders, I tell you what)

Me: You're in Red Raider country!

Him: Just pretend it's a costume if it'll make you give me candy.

Disney Princesses

2008-10-25T13:59:00.000-05:00

Halloween Humor

2008-10-20T20:12:00.002-05:00

Halloween Humor

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER... FASTER...

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

Clappity-BUMP...

Clappity-BUMP...

Clappity-BUMP...

On his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in.

His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and...

the coffin stops!

Fun Pics

2008-10-19T19:55:00.011-05:00

A Quote From The Husband...

2008-10-18T11:01:00.002-05:00

Have you ever seen one of those videos where a monkey, like, sees another monkey for the first time?

TicTacToe

2008-10-13T20:25:00.002-05:00

This is so much fun - see if you can beat the computer - I did!

Click on the TicTacToe (below) to play:

TicTacToe

Fundraising Flier That Came Across My Desk

2008-10-09T19:14:00.007-05:00

COW PATTY BINGO

...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

1:00 pm

Harvest Festival

...

Proceeds will benefit the Lions' Club

...

Pit your luck against the gastronomical actions of our cows, and you could win $$$$

...

$5 per ticket (square)

...

Each square measures 18"x18"

676 squares available

...

Prize: $1000.00

Funny ha ha...

2008-10-07T23:18:00.017-05:00

These 2 churches face each other across a busy street...

Pretty Please With a Cherry on Top

2008-10-05T01:22:00.002-05:00

I need help.

I am trying to start an etsy site for my glass jewelry and such (glass, pottery, etc,) but have no descriptive phrase to go underneath my business name.

My business name is "Happy Blueberry."

I am a) looking for a catch phrase, and b) then wanting to get a logo and business card laid out.

Any suggestions?

I can do 3-D. I cannot do 2-D. Or wording.

Any good ideas of the needs listed above might be justly rewarded!

Cleanliness

2008-10-05T00:06:00.004-05:00

I went to Cheddars tonight to eat. Our forks and knives were wrapped in nice napkins, but then they served me an overflowing drink, so it soon became quite messy.

Given the soaked napkin situation, I asked for an extra one.

And he brought me a paper towel.

Not just any paper towel, but one that I would buy.

On clearance.

Folded.

Seriously.

I used to work there, and we never had paper towels like that.

Cheddars is not a barbecue joint. It is not a hot dog stand.

Aside from the above, I'm speechless.

Right.

How I Feel About 80's Music

2008-10-03T18:28:00.001-05:00

Barf.

McGyver's Dog

2008-10-01T23:00:00.002-05:00

This is hilarious (and quite reminds me of Murphy as a pup...)

Home

2008-09-30T21:48:00.001-05:00

I've decided I'd like to live on the ocean. Or at least right next to it. And I don't see that happening in the near future. Phooey.

Satan in Church

2008-09-27T21:47:00.001-05:00

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity? ' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

Odds

2008-09-27T00:10:00.002-05:00

How can it be that I have happened to catch ESPN World Poker twice in the past year, and not only was it the same people, but the same hand. And it was a bad play at that.

Evil Eye

2008-09-25T22:14:00.003-05:00

This may be a repeat, but it makes me laugh! Turn on the sound!

Spaghetti

2008-09-25T22:00:00.002-05:00

For several years, a married man was having an affair with an Italianwoman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."

5 Nuns in a Bar

2008-09-23T18:05:00.003-05:00

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July.

It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood.

All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.

They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw...

~

~

~

~

~

Guts & Balls

2008-09-22T22:03:00.001-05:00

The medical distinction between Guts and Balls - - -

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next.

'I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death .

3-MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

2008-09-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

1 Coffee Mug
4 tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons baking cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
Small splash of vanilla

Add dry ingredients to mug and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate.

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

The Captain's Parrott

2008-09-22T21:54:00.003-05:00

So I've been getting "comments" on my lack of posts.

(A little crude...)

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,'Look, It's not the same hat!' or, 'Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!' or 'Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?'

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...

'OK, I give up. Where's the f #* kin' ship?'

Classic

2008-07-20T17:26:00.002-05:00

I saw a little elderly lady go up to a co-worker's desk the other day and say, "I don't have anyone to complain to that will listen, so I came back here to talk to you."

Random Pics

2008-07-15T19:06:00.010-05:00

I have been sitting here for half an hour trying to find something to blog about, and thought I'd take a look at my camera archives...fun stuff!

Here is the little kittie that adopted my in-laws. They hadn't given her a name yet, so I made the executive decision and named her Jelly Bean. Isn't she adorable?

On our trip to Gatlinburg, TN, the husband and I visited Ripley's Aquarium. Here are a few pics of the friendly inhabitants...

And here is the cutest picture ever of my neice, Syd!

Off The Band Wagon, Once Again...

2008-07-13T16:16:00.003-05:00

During our first few years of marriage, the husband and I worked hard to overcome one of his "issues."

He got a little better every day, and as of a few months ago, he was cured!

And then he left to do a summer internship, staying in a small apartment there.

And he promptly forgot how to put down the toilet seat.

He then brings this issue back home with him every weekend.

I think I'll need to plan an intervention next moth when he comes home for good.

A Girl After My Own Heart

2008-07-08T23:08:00.003-05:00

. . .

"I enjoy kids, but not for long periods.

I think they're adorable and funny and sweet,

and then I have a headache."

-Kim Cattrall

. . .

Willie and Friends...minus one...

2008-07-04T09:59:00.004-05:00

I had an elderly customer call in the other day asking for a loan. When I looked at her account I saw that she was pretty far in the red.

Me: You will need to come in and complete a loan application.

Customer: I can't drive no more.

Me: I will be happy to put one in the mail for you, and include a postage paid return envelope for you to send it back.

Customer: I don't got time for that, I need the money today. I gotta get my Willie Nelson tickets, but I don't have $132.50. I can't write a check if I don't get the loan.

Me: I apologize, ma'am, but all of our loans have a 48 hour processing period.

Customer: But I don't got 48 hours. I need the money now.

Me: Again, I am sorry we won't be able to get you the money today. I understand you're frustrated. But again, I'll be happy to send you an application so you can get started on it.

Customer: But...I gotta...but...it's Willie!

Mags

2008-06-30T18:02:00.002-05:00

I think Maggie is catching on to the Chase the Toy into the Pet Carrier game.

We had "issues" this morning before her hair appointment.

The new game is Stuff the Cat into the Carrier By Any Means Possible.

She loves it.

Yowza!

2008-06-26T18:30:00.000-05:00

Since we've last talked, I have had a lot of changes in my life. And my hair. I have been light brown, the dark brown, then black. From there I went to dark blond with red highlights, and then went even more blond. And now I'm red. And I have to say, it's my fav. I think I'll keep it for a while (you know, at least a month.)

I have also been pondering the idea of starting Weight Watchers. I like to ponder. I can enjoy cheese enchiladas and a grande margarita and ponder dieting at the same time. Now that's multi-tasking. I'm still tossing around the idea right now. In between bites of lemon meringue pie. I love pie.

Howdy Doodie

2008-04-26T16:37:00.003-05:00

Hey everybody! How's it going? Long time, no blog :)

In Oklahoma here, enjoying the cool breeze...

I shaved Maggie the other day. Suprizingly, she loves it. I've never seen a happier cat!

From Real Simple magazine (May 2008)

My Mother's 15 Simple Rules
by Ann Marie Cox

1. The legs are the last thing to go.
2. When you're sad, don't fight it-accessorize it. Get some gin and cigarettes, then play Edith Piaf until the CD starts to skip.
3. Knowing how to roast red peppers will impress more people than you think.
4. It's OK to read at the table.
5. But it's never OK to watch TV at the table.
6. You can always substitute white wine for vermouth in a martini.
7. Everything tasted better if it's served by candlelight.
8. If nothing matches, no matter. That's just another reason for candlelight.
9. Do not try and order in French at a French restaurant unless you are French.
10. Unexpected gifts are the most appreciated.
11. At work, find people who can fix things-the copier, mistakes in your expenses report-and then be very, very nice to them.
12. The cheap cavier is still quite good. [barf]
13. There are five things that will always make you happy if you have them in your home: flowers, a lovely place to eat a meal, a chilled bottle of white [red] wine, Goldfish crackers, and a cat.
14. If you must leave a party and don't have a good excuse, spill something on yourself.
15. The proper way to end a conversation is "I'm sorry to let you go." (eh, not sure about that one...)

Dude, I blogged!!!

Today's Predictions

2008-02-29T07:08:00.002-06:00

I asked my Magic 8 ball how today day would be, and it said, "Outlook does not look good."

So I asked my Skeleton Magic 8 ball the same thing. His response? "Seas look rough."

Crap.

2008-02-29T01:27:00.005-06:00

Had a migraine yesterday. Haven't had one in months, but for some reason or another, my head picked yesterday to explode.

So my doctor called me in a migraine med I hadn't tried before. (Ended that in a preposition. Sorry.) (He's a pretty cool doctor. I'll leave a message for his nurse, she'll visit with him about my one problem or another, and he'll call me in medicine without me coming in. Hey, it saves me a $25 co-pay. You rock, Dr. S.)

But I digress...(I've always wanted to say that.)

I asked the pharmacist a lot of questions about the side effects (Careful Cathy, I know...) and he said that although it had caffeine in it, the other stuff would make me pretty tired so I should be okay to sleep.

Hence the reason I am writing to you, my dear friends, at 1:30 am (is it really only 1:30? This night is going to last forever. Sigh.)

And my head still hurts. Go figure.

You know, I could have just said I took a new medicine for a headache and couldn't sleep. But that wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.

There was a motorcycle next to me at a stoplight the other day, covered from handle bars to backseat in neon green fake fur. I know, right? I think it might get a little squishy when it rains.

I'm invited to a friend's birthday party tonight. We're all meeting at the biggest Chinese super-buffet in town. My stomach is rolling just thinking about it. But since it's, you know, her birthday, I erred on the side of friendship kept my mouth zipped. Water, please, no lemon. Just a fortune cookie for me. I'm not that hungry. (CH, if you're reading this, I am totally happy to be coming - it should be so much fun!!! I think I am one of the very few who doesn't like Chinese food, so I'm learning to adapt :)

The mouse on my computer at work is possessed. Every couple of minutes, it will get a mind of its own and start moving around my screen really fast and then go to the top left corner before I can regain control. At first it was annoying, then it kind of ticked me off, but now I think it's funny. It's like I have my own little OCD friend that comes to visit me throughout the day. I should give it a name. Any suggestions?

Well, I think I'll go read now. I hope everyone slept well, and I'll talk to you soon.

Cheers.

Wordy, but worth it!

2008-02-16T20:07:00.003-06:00

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of
you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking
in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to
doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will
only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my
face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell
you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit
including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The
new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of
the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it
got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and
a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner
rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked
up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house
that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs
am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor.
Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the
rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5
hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat,
returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go
in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the
pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I
called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He
literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the
Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He
groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the
rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more
than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the
time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so
bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt
and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going
one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or
headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at
the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard
he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12
hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly
and that he was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it
would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto
Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him
up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
Thanksgiving meal of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogeeon a ranch, (10 to 15 minute
drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk
dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between
Perry and I, we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls,
DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have
matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But
that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God
strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for
the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of
the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and
everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each
returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without
running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what
goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast
rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but
alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine.
I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave
Karen's house.

Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him
up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from
the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor with
stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement
beginning to set up and cure.

We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one
else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and
knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And
as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken
state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the
garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving
dinner at Perry's sister's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to
normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no
longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also
happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast
rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them
but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.

2008-02-12T13:17:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Monkey-arms in the car next to me last night,

When you're riding in a car that small, and you are so big, and your arms are super long, I wouldn't recommend hanging out the car window like that at the stoplight. You might scrape your knuckles on the ground, and we wouldn't want that.

You were so sweet when you were yelling "Where you goin'?" over and over, but it will not make me look at you. Clapping loudly will not make me look at you. Waiving your chimpanzee arms will not make me look at you.

However, it does make me not like you.

As a matter of fact, you were pretty creepy all together.

So go away.

Sleep, Wine and Murphy

2008-02-06T22:28:00.000-06:00

Ambien + red wine = munchies

It's a good thing I just have caramel popcorn instead of funnel cakes or Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas. Then I'd be in real trouble.

On a very sad note, we lost our sweet Murphy this past Saturday. She had cancer, and we had to put her down. But now she's in heaven, not in pain, and frolicking through the fields with Annabelle!

She was the sweetest, most loyal dog I've ever known. The way she looked at Jonathan, with complete trust in her eyes...but don't let that throw you off! She was a bit mischevous!

My favorite story (from when Jonathan was in college) was when she jumped the fence and walked a mile and a half to the grocery store. A few of Jon's buddies saw her, proud as can be, stroll right through the doors, head straight to the back of the store to the eggs (she knew exactly where she was going, the little stinker!) She gingerly picked up a carton of eggs, walked back down the isle, right out the door and back home, where she thoroughly enjoyed her treat.

She also had a lot of fun "borrowing" the racked antlers from next door. A few months ago when the neighbors were out of town, Jonathan caught her chewing on one in our yard. She had eaten (not dug, eaten) a hole through the fence. No sooner had he taken the rack from her and walked it over to the neighbor's front porch than he returned to our yard to see another - a different - set of antlers to keep her entertained.

We miss you, dear Murphy!

I wish...

2008-01-03T22:56:00.001-06:00

I hope that I can have a bigger dot overseas on my Clustr Map...sometime soon...

Team Spirit

2008-01-03T22:31:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here, drinking a glass of wine, enjoying a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, and watching Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team.

I just watched a girl have her lifelong dream of being a Cowboy's cheerleader be crushed because her high-kick wasn't good enough.

I think I would have more problems than that. What? You want to see me do the splits and a double hurkey again? Hold on, I just need to finish this glass of Shiraz first, and then I'm there. 100%. This cheese? Oh, I have to eat this to bring out the flavors in the wine.

No worries, I'm cool. Be right there.

Right.

Merry Christmas, honey - I shaved!

2007-12-25T07:17:00.001-06:00

Tra la la

2007-12-23T16:13:00.001-06:00

This was on TV this afternoon (no lie - I can't make this stuff up.)

Wynonna - A Tribute on Ice

And I missed it.

Shoot.

Discoveries

2007-12-22T22:49:00.000-06:00

I've discovered that west Texas winds and lip gloss do not make a good combination.

I've also discovered that decorating for Christmas takes time. Specifically set aside time. And if you don't set aside this time, your house is not decorated come Christmas day.

Phooey.

Sup

2007-12-01T23:19:00.000-06:00

Why don't oysters donate to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

___________________________

There was an SUV in front of me today with three baseball stickers on the back that had numbers and, supposedly, their children's names on them. There was a pink sticker that said "Meggan," a green sticker that said "Riggen," and an orange sticker that said "Bugg."

Wha...?

Ha Ha

2007-11-28T07:11:00.000-06:00

Why was the ocean wet?

Because the seaweed.

Sleep

2007-11-09T07:26:00.000-06:00

Whilst on vacation, I woke up earlier than I would to go to work.

Oh, the wonders of having a 6 year old nephew...I need a nap.

Cat Lover

2007-11-01T17:42:00.000-05:00

Cat Lover
by Brian Andreas

I've had cats since I was young, she said, and I still love them. See, I said, you don't have to be smart to be happy.

(to see more StoryPeople art, click here)

I think the husband will love that quote (which is why I'm not going to show it to him:)

Two Very Important Things

2007-10-30T21:08:00.000-05:00

An establishment I passed esterday: The Patriot: Firearms & Family Shooting Center

"Ok, kids! Get yer guns! We're headed to the shootin' place!"

_____________

Tonight at Abuelos I ordered the "Tres Leches" cake for dessert. I asked the waitress how it was, and she said it was made from "three milks," so it was really creamy.

I kind of deduced that part on my own, considering the cake was called, um, Three Milks.

_____________

And if you knew how long it took me to type this with Maggie rolling all over the keyboard, you'd appreciate it just a bit more :)

Warm

2007-10-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

Dear little bathroom heater,

Thank you for making my mornings warmer, and a bit less traumatic getting out of the shower each morning. Your the best, little guy!

Love,

Melissa

Watchers Beware

2007-10-06T11:42:00.001-05:00

Saw Feast of Love last night, with Morgan Freeman and Greg Kinear.

It was sad...tender...and pornographic. As in full frontal nudity.

To quote Sesame Street..."One of these things does not belong..."

And the winner is...

2007-10-01T22:40:00.000-05:00

An e-mail trail between my dear mother (who was in Estes Park, Colorado last week) and me...

--------------
Mom: A tiny little chipmunky just climbed on my foot!

Me: What's a chipmunky? :)

Mom: A teeny extra-cute chipmunk.

Me: Give him some retro sunglasses and cool shoes, and he'll be a funky chipmunky!

Mom: And LOTS of peanuts, and he'll be a funky chunky chipmunky!

Me: Then we can give him a nean green mohawk, and he'll be a funky chunky punky chipmunky!

Mom: And he can work out and wear a speedo and be a funky chunky punky hunky chipmunky!
--------------

She won.

Gross

2007-09-20T23:03:00.000-05:00

A quote from Discovery's TV show Dirty Jobs, on growing mushrooms:

"I'm sorry to tell you, folks...but these mushrooms don't grow in nice little blue containers. They're grown in compost - big steamy piles of poo, pee and lots of straw."

No wonder I don't like them. I always thought they tasted like, well, poo.

P.S. I'm famous! Check out September 19th - that was my lovely personal experience, one of many during my career as a waitress.

Click here to read my engaging post...

I'm so cool.

Blinkers

2007-09-20T07:15:00.000-05:00

They're called blinkers, people. They don't put 'em there for decoration.

Anyhoo, Maggie says hi.

Wine-O

2007-09-17T07:21:00.000-05:00

Last night at dinner, a friend and I went to a funky little restaurant/bar and sat on the balcony "overlooking a scenic lake." (As scenic as you can get for Lubbock, Texas...)

I wanted a glass of red wine, so I asked the waitress to tell the bartender that I wanted a glass of the driest red they had.

So what did I get? Port. Not only is it not a dry red, but one of the sweetest there is.

I went inside with my sweet red, and mentioned it to the 22 year old (I should have known) bartender. His response? "Uh, oh yeah, I, uh, guess I forgot."

So I went for Shiraz.

I mean it!

2007-09-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

I WANT FALL!!! NOW!!!

I'M IN AN ALL CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINT SORT OF MOOD!!!

DEAL!!!

I Wish I Were in CO

2007-09-11T21:28:00.000-05:00

It's September, finally starting to feel like fall...mid 70s...open-window weather...

But a note to the person two doors down from me? (I can't believe I'm saying this, as I have true-blue Colorado blood running through my veins...)

It is too early for a wood-burning fire. Inside. When my air conditioner is still running.

But if you go live in Colorado, you can have a fire. Because it's colder up there.

(Two posts in two days? Who am I???)

Yo

2007-09-09T21:30:00.000-05:00

So I'm here at my friend's house, and I looked at her desk and saw a box of flash cards. Whoopee, right? But then (this is the good part)...I saw they were anatomy flash cards! I could have fun with these.

I'm going almost black hair with pink highlights.

Maggie's big.

The husband's kickin' heinie at school.

It's been raining this week. We even had a bit of thunder.

Work rocks.

I watched a good friend get not one, but TWO, tattoos at once, and didn't pass out! (The girl next to her didn't do so well. And neither did her tattoo. Oops. They tell you not to move for a reason.)

I have lime green toenails, and love them.

(Isn't this a titillating post?)

Well, if I don't go wash my hair out in the next two minutes, I will have no hair.

I've realized that I have not been posting as often (well, not at all...) and really thought about it. I've decided that I was so unhappy throughout my whole blogging "history," and it really helped having an outlet. Not so much to vent, but to see that people actually read my blog, and said nice things to me (at that point, people weren't being very nice to me.) Even if I don't know your face, I knew that you visited me every day, and that, at least in a passing way, actually enjoyed what I had to say.

I now am around people that, well, smile when they see me, and, well, say hello. Simple, right? But it makes a HUGE difference, I tell you what.

But I miss you guys, and will be back real soon (yes, I know that wasn't proper grammar.)

Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. And if you have bedbugs, you might need to get some help with that.

Housewife of the Year!

2007-08-13T07:15:00.001-05:00

I did two things last night that I haven't done in months. I bought perishables. And I cooked. Dinner.

Go me!

Shhh

2007-08-10T21:50:00.000-05:00

I've decided that what's going on inside my head is too loud to listen to the radio in the car. Too much noise, all mixed together.

P.S. I'm just going to pretend that I didn't go three weeks without posting. So there.

P.S.S. I'm just curious (to all my thousands of readers,) what country are you in?

Grits and Coffee

2007-07-27T06:03:00.000-05:00

I somehow thought it would be a good idea to accept the invitation from a few co-workers to meet at the new Cracker Barrell at 6:30 this morning for breakfast.

Those better be some good grits, I tell you what.

("What is a grit?" Name that movie...anyone? Anyone?)